Ambivalence -The coexistence within an individual of positive and negative feelings toward a person, object, or action, simultaneously drawing him or her in opposite directions.
That seems to sum me up pretty well at the moment. It's been 2 weeks since I considered taking my own life and I felt it was time to update this. Whether it's for me, or for others reading, I'm not sure.
But I know it actually feels better to get this out and look it in the eyes and try to make heads or tails of it.
Two weeks have passed and a lot has happened. First things first, I had to switch medication already.
The medication they put me on was triggering migraines or near migraines and I felt almost worse.
So we are trying something new and so far it seems to be holding up. I don't feel any different so but I also know it takes a few weeks for it to work into my system.
The outpouring of support, prayer, kind words, shown by people has been nothing short of staggering to me. People have felt compelled to share their stories of battling depression and anxiety and it's helped me to see that I'm not isolated on an island with these feelings and in this battle. While I wouldn't wish this on anyone, it's reassuring to know that there are others who have and are going through this and that I can lean on them and vice versa.
The big question I've been asked, "How are you feeling?" My truthful answer, the same...
While I know that may sound disheartening it's the truth. It still feels very dark to me. I may not be as robotic or catatonic as I was a majority of the week after that Sunday night, but I still feel like I'm in a very deep hole and the light at the top is very small.
And that's the thing of it all. You just don't know. What appears to be may not, in reality, be the case... I may appear fine, I may joke with you, laugh, and seem like everything is fine. But someone I won't name shared with me that they struggle with depression, but have become good at masking it.
And I think over time, that is what I have done as well. I have become very well-versed in the art of appearing to be ok. I use humor to offset any possible indication that something might be wrong.
I deflect things with humor and sarcasm. I figure if I can make others laugh they won't see what lies beyond the humor. And don't get me wrong, I really do love to make others laugh. But, I also think I've learned to use it as a mask to hide how I'm feeling inside. It's like a duck on the water, on the surface he looks calm and in control of his world. But if you look under water, he's rapidly churning and paddling his legs and feet to keep things moving and looking calm on the surface.
That's the best way I can describe this. I may appear ok on the surface but inside I'm broken.
I will openly admit in the last 2 weeks I've had some pretty dark thoughts again. Not quite as strong as the previous, but kind of like a reminder that it's there still. The feeling of hopelessness has come and gone a few times. It's like a rollercoaster really. Some days I'll feel ok, and some days I bottom out.
I actually had someone message me on Facebook and call me selfish for considering suicide that night. So that was a new twist on all this. And yes, I will admit that in the moment you aren't thinking about anyone but yourself and how to stop the pain, stop the feelings of hopelessness and despair. So, yeah, I guess in that aspect I was being selfish. But you don't see it that way and you can't control how you feel either. In that moment you're looking for any way possible to feel relief, to feel that heaviness and feeling of being a burden lifted, and in some ways, you actually think in the long run you are doing them a favor by taking that burden off of them. A short period of sadness for the better of their long term life. That's just being dead honest. Those were the thoughts I wrestled with that night. Those were the pro's and cons that I was checking off in my head as I sat in a pitch-dark living room. I never contemplated the way I would commit suicide. I did for several hours sit there and weigh out if it would be for the better if my family would be better off, how much of a burden I really was/am to them, how good of a father could I be when I feel this way and is it noticeable to them? The farthest I let my thoughts of suicide go was that I decided if I were to do it, I would leave my home to do so. And there were reasons for that. That to me in retrospect is a lot farther than I first thought I let it get. Am I proud of this? Not at all, I'm ashamed. I feel selfish, was that person right?
But on the flip side, it's honest, it's how I felt that night, it's still there in some ways still. It's very raw, very scary, and very dark. I've had a few people from friends to doctors ask if I felt like I was a threat to myself. I usually quickly dismiss this with a no and a chuckle. I don't feel like I am, but the thoughts are still there and the hopelessness comes and goes. I've been leaning on the support of friends and family. I'm very grateful for them both. My family has been very supportive and understanding. And I'm trying my best not to burden them with this as much as possible.
One day at a time, one step at a time, one foot in front of the other... That's kind of how I'm looking at things. And it's helped honestly.
I'm broken, I wear a mask so others can't see what I'm feeling. But I hope in these last 3 blogs you've seen that mask come off. What you see and read is very exposing, real, and sometimes hard to type. I've hit the backspace button on this laptop more times than I care to mention. I've had a shocking number of people tell me what I wrote took courage and that I was strong for doing so. While I appreciate that, I don't see it as courageous or strong. I see it as being honest about what is happening to me. Not knowing what else to do with these feelings other than getting them out and on this blog so that I'm not bottling them up. But if someone can read this, and realize they're not alone the way I've felt after having so many share their struggles with me, then some good can come of this I suppose.
They say God never gives you more than you can handle... I'm holding on to that as I struggle to handle this. I trust that there is something to be learned in all of this or that somehow this part of my life is leading to something or somewhere He wants me to be, learn, or do. What that is, remains to be seen.
Until then, I will go a step at a time, a day at a time. And keep writing here in the hopes that plan reveals itself...
Until next time....
Be Well..
Wednesday, June 28, 2017
Wednesday, June 14, 2017
The Struggle...
Dark thoughts fill the spaces of my mind,
making happiness and laughter hard to find.
The weight on my chest, the feeling of despair,
The thought of no pain, suicide is there...
Knocking on the door like a welcome old friend,
offering you a solution if you only let him in.
The pain will be gone, your trouble will be through,
just listen to me friend, I'll show you what to do...
They won't miss you much, they'll be better off in the long run,
you have plenty of options to choose from, rope, car, pills, or gun...
There's no time like the present, no better time than now,
don't stop to think this over, don't think too much about how...
Pull the trigger, tie the knot, don't think, just do,
I'm your friend remember, I'm just trying to help you...
Do you want to live in pain, is life fun when you're depressed?
Do you like not being happy, do you like always being stressed?
I'm here to help you, friend, I promise to make it all go away,
Just lean on me brother, let me show you the way...
Take my hand, do not be afraid, everything is going to be alright,
I'm here for you to lean on, you no longer have to fight..
You're tired, I see this, you've been fighting for so long,
You're weakening, your defenses are failing, you no longer have to be strong.
Just embrace me, don't cry, I promise everything will be ok.
It will be all over before you know it, all you have to do friend, is let me show you the way....
This is kind of a snippet into what the struggle looked like to me in my head when I thought about suicide. Pain, stress, fear, all very real, all sitting on your chest like an elephant. And then there is an escape, maybe not the best way to escape but a way out nonetheless. And that weight can be so heavy, so overpowering, that any escape can look very tempting. And it's like the cartoons you watched as a child, angel on one shoulder, the devil on the other, both vying for your attention. Only you don't hear the angel. You only hear the devil offering you an easy solution. That's just what it felt like to me anyway. I'm sure everyone has different experiences. I can only write to mine. I know this is very dark and for that, I do apologize. But, it's where I'm at right now. Am I suicidal right now or having thoughts of it? No, I have a game plan set forth by doctors, and the support of family and friends who have taken the time to show me, love and support. And for you all, I am forever grateful and forever in debt to you for your kinds words and support.
I'm still not in a good place. It's still very dark. But there is a glimmer of light in the distance and I will get there.
Until Next Time...
Be Well...
making happiness and laughter hard to find.
The weight on my chest, the feeling of despair,
The thought of no pain, suicide is there...
Knocking on the door like a welcome old friend,
offering you a solution if you only let him in.
The pain will be gone, your trouble will be through,
just listen to me friend, I'll show you what to do...
They won't miss you much, they'll be better off in the long run,
you have plenty of options to choose from, rope, car, pills, or gun...
There's no time like the present, no better time than now,
don't stop to think this over, don't think too much about how...
Pull the trigger, tie the knot, don't think, just do,
I'm your friend remember, I'm just trying to help you...
Do you want to live in pain, is life fun when you're depressed?
Do you like not being happy, do you like always being stressed?
I'm here to help you, friend, I promise to make it all go away,
Just lean on me brother, let me show you the way...
Take my hand, do not be afraid, everything is going to be alright,
I'm here for you to lean on, you no longer have to fight..
You're tired, I see this, you've been fighting for so long,
You're weakening, your defenses are failing, you no longer have to be strong.
Just embrace me, don't cry, I promise everything will be ok.
It will be all over before you know it, all you have to do friend, is let me show you the way....
This is kind of a snippet into what the struggle looked like to me in my head when I thought about suicide. Pain, stress, fear, all very real, all sitting on your chest like an elephant. And then there is an escape, maybe not the best way to escape but a way out nonetheless. And that weight can be so heavy, so overpowering, that any escape can look very tempting. And it's like the cartoons you watched as a child, angel on one shoulder, the devil on the other, both vying for your attention. Only you don't hear the angel. You only hear the devil offering you an easy solution. That's just what it felt like to me anyway. I'm sure everyone has different experiences. I can only write to mine. I know this is very dark and for that, I do apologize. But, it's where I'm at right now. Am I suicidal right now or having thoughts of it? No, I have a game plan set forth by doctors, and the support of family and friends who have taken the time to show me, love and support. And for you all, I am forever grateful and forever in debt to you for your kinds words and support.
I'm still not in a good place. It's still very dark. But there is a glimmer of light in the distance and I will get there.
Until Next Time...
Be Well...
Tuesday, June 13, 2017
Broken...
I know it's been awhile. And I know I usually write with a certain humor and/or sarcasm. But this one is going to be different. I'm not feeling very funny right now and I'll explain that as I go.
Depression is a strange animal, in that it can lay dormant for awhile, maybe poking its head up briefly just to remind you that it's still there. But then disappearing again just as quickly, giving you the illusion that you can control it. You can't.. That may not be profound, it may not be news to anyone who has dealt with depression. But, I just found this out the hard way and it's not a fun realization to come to. It's harsh, it's scary, and it hurts like you wouldn't believe..
I have probably dealt with depression in one form or another for many years. Once I was put on Zoloft and took it for about a year. Then decided I didn't need it because I had it under control, or so I thought. It as I said would pop up here and there and I'd write it off as being in a "funk" or just being down. And soon it'would fade and I'd return to some form of normal. This has gone on for about 10 years and I thought it was something everyone went through.
Until Sunday. Sunday I realized how deep depression can truly get. I won't get into the logistics of what happened or could have contributed to this but it's been a combination of a lot of things over a period of time and this last one was what set things into motion. I have never felt such a feeling of hopelessness in my life. To the point where even when surrounded by others you still feel like you're completely alone. And then everyone goes to bed and you find yourself literally alone with your thoughts and it's not a nice place to be. Thoughts like if everyone woke up tomorrow, would they even notice if I were gone? The world will go on, people will still go to work, the sun will still come up, birds will still sing. Yes, some people might be sad but probably not for long. Would they be better off without me as a burden to them? Would a little pain in the interim mean less pain in the long run for not having to deal with my depression and all that it brings? What kind of example am I for my kids if I can't even function properly? Would ending it really be a release into being pain-free?
If that isn't paint by numbers clear enough to figure out what I'm referring to I'll lay it on the table for you. Sunday night I had thoughts of taking my own life. As I type this the tears sting my eyes because it's all very fresh still and not like anything I've ever felt or want to feel again. It scared me.
I didn't get to the point of planning it or thinking about how I could do it. I wouldn't let it get that far. But the question was there, it was thought about seriously and pro's and cons were weighed as to what the end result would be and how it would impact others. But at that point, you don't care, you only think about how you're negatively impacting others by being a burden. I'd like to think I couldn't go through with it because of my family right? But if I'm entertaining the thought of it despite their being around then there's got to be something to it right? And I love my family, I truly do. By all definition I have a pretty good life, I have a beautiful family, we have a house, jobs, cars, we may not be rich but we get by. But still, something managed to get into my head and make me wonder if all that would be better off without me. And I feel so selfish for those thoughts but I couldn't control them. It was like ping-pong balls bouncing around in my head. And I felt broken... Completely broken and I can't even begin to describe what it was that was broken, but something was and is wrong.
And I get it now. As someone who vehemently hates suicide, I get it totally... Do I condone it? Never, but I get why people go that route. Because when you get to that point and you hit that low that you didn't think was possible you look for the way to take that pain away. You look for the way to not be a burden to others because you feel broken. Because you feel that heaviness of depression and you don't want to watch others be brought down by it. Is it heroic? No. But I was once one of those people who would call someone who commits suicide a coward. I would say they took the easy way out and that it was a permanent solution to a temporary problem. But you know what? Depression isn't temporary... I have known many people who have committed suicide in my life, I've known others who have tried and failed. And the ones that were successful, I always wondered what their mindset was leading into that decision to take their life. And while I did not attempt to take my life, I can say I understand a little bit more of what it must have been like and it is absolutely terrifying. And maybe they didn't have that beautiful family to ground them, maybe they didn't have the courage to admit there was something wrong ( and I am by no means courageous), maybe they couldn't get past the feeling that they were bringing others down and were a burden to life and all around them. I get it... I don't know what snapped me out of it. God? My family? I don't know. But something kept me from going to that next step and I'm thankful for that.
Today I broke at work. Just lost it entirely. Could not for the life of me get it together. So with the help of a supervisor who was a great help to me. We took the steps necessary to get me some help.
Do I still feel broken? Completely. I feel ashamed for feeling this way. Like I should be a grown-up and not feel this way. Like I'm being difficult. But I went to see my personal doctor as well and we talked for about 45 minutes and I was a mess. That seems to be a fun part of this bout is losing it at the drop of a hat... And I am willing to try medication again.
There is a stigma attached to admitting you have a problem with depression and taking medication, and that you've thought about taking your own life. Maybe that stigma is self-induced. But I feel broken like there is something wrong with me that makes me different from others and not in a good way. Like people will judge me for feeling like I wanted to harm myself, for having to take medication for it, for being so depressed you don't know which way is up anymore. And that is something I'm going to have to work through with the help of a professional. I've learned the hard way this isn't something you can just "ride out" and hope it goes away. I never in a million years would think I could ever possibly reach this point. But here I am.
So here I am.. Completely exposed... I'm not quite sure why I decided to share this but something in me felt compelled to. Maybe to some, it will answer questions about me and why I've been a certain way. Maybe it was for my own personal record to remind myself that no matter who you are, depression can impact you. I don't know.
I have a road ahead of me that I hope is going to be different. I hope to get something out of my
sessions with a counselor. And I'm grateful for the words, support, and prayer of my family and friends. I have too much to live for I know this. But I've learned that even knowing that doesn't stop depression from making you doubt it. I'm sorry for the length and heaviness of this post. It's not the best way to end a hiatus from writing, but it's who I am right now.
Here's to better days...
Until Next Time...
Be Well..
Depression is a strange animal, in that it can lay dormant for awhile, maybe poking its head up briefly just to remind you that it's still there. But then disappearing again just as quickly, giving you the illusion that you can control it. You can't.. That may not be profound, it may not be news to anyone who has dealt with depression. But, I just found this out the hard way and it's not a fun realization to come to. It's harsh, it's scary, and it hurts like you wouldn't believe..
I have probably dealt with depression in one form or another for many years. Once I was put on Zoloft and took it for about a year. Then decided I didn't need it because I had it under control, or so I thought. It as I said would pop up here and there and I'd write it off as being in a "funk" or just being down. And soon it'would fade and I'd return to some form of normal. This has gone on for about 10 years and I thought it was something everyone went through.
Until Sunday. Sunday I realized how deep depression can truly get. I won't get into the logistics of what happened or could have contributed to this but it's been a combination of a lot of things over a period of time and this last one was what set things into motion. I have never felt such a feeling of hopelessness in my life. To the point where even when surrounded by others you still feel like you're completely alone. And then everyone goes to bed and you find yourself literally alone with your thoughts and it's not a nice place to be. Thoughts like if everyone woke up tomorrow, would they even notice if I were gone? The world will go on, people will still go to work, the sun will still come up, birds will still sing. Yes, some people might be sad but probably not for long. Would they be better off without me as a burden to them? Would a little pain in the interim mean less pain in the long run for not having to deal with my depression and all that it brings? What kind of example am I for my kids if I can't even function properly? Would ending it really be a release into being pain-free?
If that isn't paint by numbers clear enough to figure out what I'm referring to I'll lay it on the table for you. Sunday night I had thoughts of taking my own life. As I type this the tears sting my eyes because it's all very fresh still and not like anything I've ever felt or want to feel again. It scared me.
I didn't get to the point of planning it or thinking about how I could do it. I wouldn't let it get that far. But the question was there, it was thought about seriously and pro's and cons were weighed as to what the end result would be and how it would impact others. But at that point, you don't care, you only think about how you're negatively impacting others by being a burden. I'd like to think I couldn't go through with it because of my family right? But if I'm entertaining the thought of it despite their being around then there's got to be something to it right? And I love my family, I truly do. By all definition I have a pretty good life, I have a beautiful family, we have a house, jobs, cars, we may not be rich but we get by. But still, something managed to get into my head and make me wonder if all that would be better off without me. And I feel so selfish for those thoughts but I couldn't control them. It was like ping-pong balls bouncing around in my head. And I felt broken... Completely broken and I can't even begin to describe what it was that was broken, but something was and is wrong.
And I get it now. As someone who vehemently hates suicide, I get it totally... Do I condone it? Never, but I get why people go that route. Because when you get to that point and you hit that low that you didn't think was possible you look for the way to take that pain away. You look for the way to not be a burden to others because you feel broken. Because you feel that heaviness of depression and you don't want to watch others be brought down by it. Is it heroic? No. But I was once one of those people who would call someone who commits suicide a coward. I would say they took the easy way out and that it was a permanent solution to a temporary problem. But you know what? Depression isn't temporary... I have known many people who have committed suicide in my life, I've known others who have tried and failed. And the ones that were successful, I always wondered what their mindset was leading into that decision to take their life. And while I did not attempt to take my life, I can say I understand a little bit more of what it must have been like and it is absolutely terrifying. And maybe they didn't have that beautiful family to ground them, maybe they didn't have the courage to admit there was something wrong ( and I am by no means courageous), maybe they couldn't get past the feeling that they were bringing others down and were a burden to life and all around them. I get it... I don't know what snapped me out of it. God? My family? I don't know. But something kept me from going to that next step and I'm thankful for that.
Today I broke at work. Just lost it entirely. Could not for the life of me get it together. So with the help of a supervisor who was a great help to me. We took the steps necessary to get me some help.
Do I still feel broken? Completely. I feel ashamed for feeling this way. Like I should be a grown-up and not feel this way. Like I'm being difficult. But I went to see my personal doctor as well and we talked for about 45 minutes and I was a mess. That seems to be a fun part of this bout is losing it at the drop of a hat... And I am willing to try medication again.
There is a stigma attached to admitting you have a problem with depression and taking medication, and that you've thought about taking your own life. Maybe that stigma is self-induced. But I feel broken like there is something wrong with me that makes me different from others and not in a good way. Like people will judge me for feeling like I wanted to harm myself, for having to take medication for it, for being so depressed you don't know which way is up anymore. And that is something I'm going to have to work through with the help of a professional. I've learned the hard way this isn't something you can just "ride out" and hope it goes away. I never in a million years would think I could ever possibly reach this point. But here I am.
So here I am.. Completely exposed... I'm not quite sure why I decided to share this but something in me felt compelled to. Maybe to some, it will answer questions about me and why I've been a certain way. Maybe it was for my own personal record to remind myself that no matter who you are, depression can impact you. I don't know.
I have a road ahead of me that I hope is going to be different. I hope to get something out of my
sessions with a counselor. And I'm grateful for the words, support, and prayer of my family and friends. I have too much to live for I know this. But I've learned that even knowing that doesn't stop depression from making you doubt it. I'm sorry for the length and heaviness of this post. It's not the best way to end a hiatus from writing, but it's who I am right now.
Here's to better days...
Until Next Time...
Be Well..
Wednesday, June 8, 2016
Stupid 8 Legged Creatures Of Satan..
Alright.... I've officially had it with spiders, house centipedes, and anything else that serves no purpose in the grand scheme of life... Yeah yeah, I know "spiders eat mosquitoes and other bugs, and House Centipedes eat the spiders..." But I wouldn't shed one single solitary tear if they all became extinct tomorrow... Allow me to share the traumatic and horrifying experience of my morning with you..
Hi, My name is Rob.. I am proof that God has a sense of humor... Let's start at the beginning of my day.. About 6:58am I wake up to the joyous sounds of my 2 year old in mid concert in his room. I glance at my alarm clock which is set for 7:20am and see that it says 6:58am. Just as he breaks into a rousing rendition of The Wiggles song Michael Finnegan... Stifling some anger at the thought of being brought out of a good sleep by The Wiggles, I stumble out of bed, get dressed, and head into Alex's room.. Where upon I look at him in the eye and say "really dude?" I'm met with an enthusiastic wave and a "Hi daddy, I waking up.." No kidding.... Get him up, get him dressed, and he's off to the races to the kitchen to see mama before she leaves for work. She leaves, I get the boys fed, finish getting them ready for school and send them out to the bus stop. Bub and I make our way to the front room for our morning ritual of watching the boys wait for the bus from the front room. I park it on the couch, coffee in hand and talk to Jonah through an open window. Bub is coloring on the floor.
Bus comes, boys board, they're off for the day. Bub wants to watch Wiggles which I am shocked to my very core about because it's ALL HE WATCHES... Whatever, it makes him happy.. I load up Hulu and fire up The Wiggles and he's in heaven. I figure this is the perfect opportunity to unload and reload the dishwasher, then do what dirty dishes there are on the counter.... God, He had other plans....
I unload and reload the dishwasher with no problem. I size up the dishes on the counter and figure they'll just take a few minutes to do. I fill the sink with soapy water, dump the dishes in and wash them without incident.. I pull the plug on sink and it drains... That's where God had some fun with me and I'm thinking it went something like this...
*From the point of view of God*
God - "Alright, what's on the agenda for this morning.... End hunger.... Eh... End homelessness and poverty.... Meh... Find a cure for all diseases..... Bah... OHHH LOOK!! Rob Gibson is doing dishes... Watch this.....
*With a wiggle of his finger God places a dime sized spider on the ceiling above me*
God - "This is gonna be hilarious.... Guys!! Guys!! Come here and watch this.. I'm gonna drop a spider on Rob Gibson and it's going to be hilarious.. There is a chance we may meet him shortly after but let's focus on the reaction and not the results..."
*God wiggles his finger again and the 8 legged creature of Satan slowly descends from the ceiling hovering 4 inches above my head...*
God - "Guys where should I drop it? His head? Shoulder? He would FREAK OUT!! Oh oh oh oh, I GOT IT!!! Let's drop it RIGHT ON HIS CHEEK!!!! "
* God slowly moves his finger and guides the spider onto my right cheek.. *
I without thinking lightly brush my cheek at the thought of a possible hair on my cheek.. Oh wait, I'm bald.. I brush my cheek again and into the sink flies a dime sized brown spider as I may or may not be jumping up and down and yelling things that God probably had not planned on me yelling... And I apologize for that. So as I swipe said spider into the sink I manage to yell "WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT?!?!?" I don't know if that was meant for the spider or God.. Either way I got no response..
I watched that little spider running around the sink and decided that his unholy existence needed to be ended. I turn the water on and wash him down the drain, and for good measure turn on the garbage disposal in case he somehow managed to survive the wash down...
Meanwhile, I'm pretty sure God is up there rolling on the floor crying and replaying the whole thing over and over again for friends and family members of mine who are up there... Well played God... I knew you had a sense of humor, I mean look at the Giraffe or Duck-Billed Platypus... But I think He is also a bit of a practical joker....
Its not the first time He's got me with a spider... They like to drop from the bill of my hat while I'm driving and see if I'm actually willing to roll my car to kill it... They have run down my arm while I'm playing video games only to have me launch myself out of my chair shaking my arm like it's on fire and throwing the controller across the room like that will solve things.. And the best one was sitting on the floor one time reading a magazine., I felt something brush my leg and assumed it was my cat. I reach down to pet it... Nope... It was a quarter sized wolf spider... I immediately brush it onto the floor and proceed to Riverdance on it like my name was Michael Flatley.
I'm not much of a catch and release the spider kind of guy.. I'm a mash and destroy it's very existence type. The less there is left of him when I'm done the better I feel.
Now that I've sufficiently portrayed myself as a psychotic arachnophobic person I will sign off... I have recently re-tore my rotator cuff and have to head into physical therapy.
Until Next Time..
Be Well,
Rob Gibson
Hi, My name is Rob.. I am proof that God has a sense of humor... Let's start at the beginning of my day.. About 6:58am I wake up to the joyous sounds of my 2 year old in mid concert in his room. I glance at my alarm clock which is set for 7:20am and see that it says 6:58am. Just as he breaks into a rousing rendition of The Wiggles song Michael Finnegan... Stifling some anger at the thought of being brought out of a good sleep by The Wiggles, I stumble out of bed, get dressed, and head into Alex's room.. Where upon I look at him in the eye and say "really dude?" I'm met with an enthusiastic wave and a "Hi daddy, I waking up.." No kidding.... Get him up, get him dressed, and he's off to the races to the kitchen to see mama before she leaves for work. She leaves, I get the boys fed, finish getting them ready for school and send them out to the bus stop. Bub and I make our way to the front room for our morning ritual of watching the boys wait for the bus from the front room. I park it on the couch, coffee in hand and talk to Jonah through an open window. Bub is coloring on the floor.
Bus comes, boys board, they're off for the day. Bub wants to watch Wiggles which I am shocked to my very core about because it's ALL HE WATCHES... Whatever, it makes him happy.. I load up Hulu and fire up The Wiggles and he's in heaven. I figure this is the perfect opportunity to unload and reload the dishwasher, then do what dirty dishes there are on the counter.... God, He had other plans....
I unload and reload the dishwasher with no problem. I size up the dishes on the counter and figure they'll just take a few minutes to do. I fill the sink with soapy water, dump the dishes in and wash them without incident.. I pull the plug on sink and it drains... That's where God had some fun with me and I'm thinking it went something like this...
*From the point of view of God*
God - "Alright, what's on the agenda for this morning.... End hunger.... Eh... End homelessness and poverty.... Meh... Find a cure for all diseases..... Bah... OHHH LOOK!! Rob Gibson is doing dishes... Watch this.....
*With a wiggle of his finger God places a dime sized spider on the ceiling above me*
God - "This is gonna be hilarious.... Guys!! Guys!! Come here and watch this.. I'm gonna drop a spider on Rob Gibson and it's going to be hilarious.. There is a chance we may meet him shortly after but let's focus on the reaction and not the results..."
*God wiggles his finger again and the 8 legged creature of Satan slowly descends from the ceiling hovering 4 inches above my head...*
God - "Guys where should I drop it? His head? Shoulder? He would FREAK OUT!! Oh oh oh oh, I GOT IT!!! Let's drop it RIGHT ON HIS CHEEK!!!! "
* God slowly moves his finger and guides the spider onto my right cheek.. *
I without thinking lightly brush my cheek at the thought of a possible hair on my cheek.. Oh wait, I'm bald.. I brush my cheek again and into the sink flies a dime sized brown spider as I may or may not be jumping up and down and yelling things that God probably had not planned on me yelling... And I apologize for that. So as I swipe said spider into the sink I manage to yell "WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT?!?!?" I don't know if that was meant for the spider or God.. Either way I got no response..
I watched that little spider running around the sink and decided that his unholy existence needed to be ended. I turn the water on and wash him down the drain, and for good measure turn on the garbage disposal in case he somehow managed to survive the wash down...
Meanwhile, I'm pretty sure God is up there rolling on the floor crying and replaying the whole thing over and over again for friends and family members of mine who are up there... Well played God... I knew you had a sense of humor, I mean look at the Giraffe or Duck-Billed Platypus... But I think He is also a bit of a practical joker....
Its not the first time He's got me with a spider... They like to drop from the bill of my hat while I'm driving and see if I'm actually willing to roll my car to kill it... They have run down my arm while I'm playing video games only to have me launch myself out of my chair shaking my arm like it's on fire and throwing the controller across the room like that will solve things.. And the best one was sitting on the floor one time reading a magazine., I felt something brush my leg and assumed it was my cat. I reach down to pet it... Nope... It was a quarter sized wolf spider... I immediately brush it onto the floor and proceed to Riverdance on it like my name was Michael Flatley.
I'm not much of a catch and release the spider kind of guy.. I'm a mash and destroy it's very existence type. The less there is left of him when I'm done the better I feel.
Now that I've sufficiently portrayed myself as a psychotic arachnophobic person I will sign off... I have recently re-tore my rotator cuff and have to head into physical therapy.
Until Next Time..
Be Well,
Rob Gibson
Tuesday, May 31, 2016
The World's Worst Tooth Fairy...
This portion of the story I will not allow my kids to read right away. But hopefully they’ll appreciate it down the road when they’re older… One of life's great moments is getting to play Santa, Easter Bunny, and Tooth Fairy….
For the most part it takes next to zero talent to play any of these characters… There typically is no dress up, no interaction with kids, and no special talent needed.. Just the ability to be quiet and not a complete idiot.
I’m a pretty darn good Santa. OK, I don’t normally play Santa. That is usually left to the wife because she is particular about how presents are distributed and placed… I would be just as happy tossing them under the tree from 6 to 8 feet away and calling it good.. She strategically places gifts under the tree in such a way that they’ll get distributed Christmas morning in the order she wants them opened.. It’s quite a work of art really… Or maybe some lunacy and OCD but who is to say?
Easter… Again, that’s her.. She is particular about the setup of the baskets and how they’re displayed on the table for when the kids first discover them in the morning.. The more I think about it, the more I’m glad she does this.. Otherwise the kids would think Santa and the Easter Bunny suffer from some form of brain damage as they’d just throw stuff into the basket and under the tree with no rhyme or reason and it’d look horrible…
So my one job is to be Tooth Fairy… Not the worst job to be left right?? Wrong… You have to be part ninja in order to pull it off… First off, who ever decided putting the tooth under their pillow is an idiot.. Why set yourself up to have to disturb their sleep by jamming your hand under their pillow and rooting around for a tooth that could be anywhere? Then there is the fact that my 3 oldest sleep in a triple bunk bed that I built.. So when Jonah who sleeps on the top bunk loses a tooth, I have reach up to a height of probably 6’3” and try to fish around under a pillow…
This leads me to my story of being a complete failure of a Tooth Fairy…
Jonah had just lost a tooth and was very excited that the Tooth Fairy would be visiting that night… So bedtime comes and they get read to and I make my way back down stairs. We decide to wait a while until we are sure they’re asleep to make an attempt at the tooth…. Well… I completely forget and go to bed.. Sometime around 6:15 the next morning Jill wakes and asks me if I ever grabbed that tooth and put the money under the pillow…….. CRAP!!! I completely forgot… Now I have several factors working against me here..
It’s 6:15am, the boys may or may not be awake already…
I’m a pretty big dude walking on a floor that creaks when the wind blows let alone me trudging across it..
I have to reach up, under a headrest board, and under a pillow and try to find a tooth that could be anywhere due to him being a wild sleeper…
So, I head up and creak my way across the floor… No one is stirring so far.. I get to the head of Jonah’s bed and reach under his pillow and there is NO TOOTH!!! Now part of me hopes that there was really a Tooth Fairy and she came and got the tooth already… But the realist in me has come to grips with the fact that he has pushed it somewhere in the midst of this thrashing sleep..
So,I thrust my hand back under his pillow and slide it full length and finally find his tooth and pull it out… As I do Jonah sits bolt upright and rubs his eyes… Quickly I put the tooth in my pocket and stand there with the money in my hand like a complete idiot… Jonah turns around and leans over the railing and goes “hey dad, what’re you doing?” I’m so screwed… How do I explain this? I have 2 options… Option 1, I render him unconscious with a shot to the head.. Or 2, I come up with some story and pray he buys it…
So after what feels like 15 years of standing frozen I realize I have the money in my hand that I was going to put under his pillow… So here is what I came up with on the fly…
“Hey buddy, I was just coming upstairs to get you and Josh up for school and found this money laying on the floor… It must have fallen out from under your pillow last night after the Tooth Fairy was here….” I hand him the dollar bill and he says “thanks dad, good thing you found it or I might have never found it and thought the Tooth Fairy forgot to leave money.” My heartbeat was about 193 bmp at this point.. But he bought it!! So keeping in character with that story I say
“Well, glad I found it for you… Alright guys, let’s get up and moving for school…”
Holy crap…. Since that incident there have 2 other incidents of the Tooth Fairy forgetting to come…. Both my fault.. The first the boys got up and discovered the Tooth Fairy hadn’t come yet and was disappointed… I admit, I forgot to go up that night… So I told them.. Sometimes the Tooth Fairy is super busy and to think of all their friends who had teeth fall out and then think about all the kids in the world and there only being one fairy to cover the world… Sometimes she runs behind schedule.. Meanwhile, I had run upstairs while they were getting dressed downstairs and put the money under their pillow. Then came back down and told them to run up and check on last time before they went to school… And low and behold there would be money and they were beside themselves that the Tooth Fairy snuck in and out of the house while everyone was awake… Man I suck… Then I forgot about a week ago and this time Jill told them to go check one last time and she had run the money up there… OK, so maybe I’m not such a good Tooth Fairy… But hey, I have a lot working against me here…
So now, we have the boys leave their teeth on their bed posts instead of under their pillows… And I can just run up grab the tooth, drop the money on the bedpost and run like a lunatic across the room and downstairs before they wake up.
Who knew being a fictitious character could be so hard???
Until Next Time….
Be Well,
Rob Gibson
For the most part it takes next to zero talent to play any of these characters… There typically is no dress up, no interaction with kids, and no special talent needed.. Just the ability to be quiet and not a complete idiot.
I’m a pretty darn good Santa. OK, I don’t normally play Santa. That is usually left to the wife because she is particular about how presents are distributed and placed… I would be just as happy tossing them under the tree from 6 to 8 feet away and calling it good.. She strategically places gifts under the tree in such a way that they’ll get distributed Christmas morning in the order she wants them opened.. It’s quite a work of art really… Or maybe some lunacy and OCD but who is to say?
Easter… Again, that’s her.. She is particular about the setup of the baskets and how they’re displayed on the table for when the kids first discover them in the morning.. The more I think about it, the more I’m glad she does this.. Otherwise the kids would think Santa and the Easter Bunny suffer from some form of brain damage as they’d just throw stuff into the basket and under the tree with no rhyme or reason and it’d look horrible…
So my one job is to be Tooth Fairy… Not the worst job to be left right?? Wrong… You have to be part ninja in order to pull it off… First off, who ever decided putting the tooth under their pillow is an idiot.. Why set yourself up to have to disturb their sleep by jamming your hand under their pillow and rooting around for a tooth that could be anywhere? Then there is the fact that my 3 oldest sleep in a triple bunk bed that I built.. So when Jonah who sleeps on the top bunk loses a tooth, I have reach up to a height of probably 6’3” and try to fish around under a pillow…
This leads me to my story of being a complete failure of a Tooth Fairy…
Jonah had just lost a tooth and was very excited that the Tooth Fairy would be visiting that night… So bedtime comes and they get read to and I make my way back down stairs. We decide to wait a while until we are sure they’re asleep to make an attempt at the tooth…. Well… I completely forget and go to bed.. Sometime around 6:15 the next morning Jill wakes and asks me if I ever grabbed that tooth and put the money under the pillow…….. CRAP!!! I completely forgot… Now I have several factors working against me here..
It’s 6:15am, the boys may or may not be awake already…
I’m a pretty big dude walking on a floor that creaks when the wind blows let alone me trudging across it..
I have to reach up, under a headrest board, and under a pillow and try to find a tooth that could be anywhere due to him being a wild sleeper…
So, I head up and creak my way across the floor… No one is stirring so far.. I get to the head of Jonah’s bed and reach under his pillow and there is NO TOOTH!!! Now part of me hopes that there was really a Tooth Fairy and she came and got the tooth already… But the realist in me has come to grips with the fact that he has pushed it somewhere in the midst of this thrashing sleep..
So,I thrust my hand back under his pillow and slide it full length and finally find his tooth and pull it out… As I do Jonah sits bolt upright and rubs his eyes… Quickly I put the tooth in my pocket and stand there with the money in my hand like a complete idiot… Jonah turns around and leans over the railing and goes “hey dad, what’re you doing?” I’m so screwed… How do I explain this? I have 2 options… Option 1, I render him unconscious with a shot to the head.. Or 2, I come up with some story and pray he buys it…
So after what feels like 15 years of standing frozen I realize I have the money in my hand that I was going to put under his pillow… So here is what I came up with on the fly…
“Hey buddy, I was just coming upstairs to get you and Josh up for school and found this money laying on the floor… It must have fallen out from under your pillow last night after the Tooth Fairy was here….” I hand him the dollar bill and he says “thanks dad, good thing you found it or I might have never found it and thought the Tooth Fairy forgot to leave money.” My heartbeat was about 193 bmp at this point.. But he bought it!! So keeping in character with that story I say
“Well, glad I found it for you… Alright guys, let’s get up and moving for school…”
Holy crap…. Since that incident there have 2 other incidents of the Tooth Fairy forgetting to come…. Both my fault.. The first the boys got up and discovered the Tooth Fairy hadn’t come yet and was disappointed… I admit, I forgot to go up that night… So I told them.. Sometimes the Tooth Fairy is super busy and to think of all their friends who had teeth fall out and then think about all the kids in the world and there only being one fairy to cover the world… Sometimes she runs behind schedule.. Meanwhile, I had run upstairs while they were getting dressed downstairs and put the money under their pillow. Then came back down and told them to run up and check on last time before they went to school… And low and behold there would be money and they were beside themselves that the Tooth Fairy snuck in and out of the house while everyone was awake… Man I suck… Then I forgot about a week ago and this time Jill told them to go check one last time and she had run the money up there… OK, so maybe I’m not such a good Tooth Fairy… But hey, I have a lot working against me here…
So now, we have the boys leave their teeth on their bed posts instead of under their pillows… And I can just run up grab the tooth, drop the money on the bedpost and run like a lunatic across the room and downstairs before they wake up.
Who knew being a fictitious character could be so hard???
Until Next Time….
Be Well,
Rob Gibson
Friday, October 3, 2014
I'm Going Through Changes....
No, not like a mid-life crisis or anything like that.. But the whole dynamic of my home just changed, and it's taking me some time to get used to it. For those of you who might be first time readers, or those of you who haven't followed me from the start I'll give you some background. I'm a stay at home dad. I was injured on the job and have been off since while things are getting settled legally and while I've gone through treatments, shots, etc... I have been off since December of 2012 and have been blogging about my time home with my boys. I have 4 boys, 2 of which have been with me since that day in 2012, and another was born in 2013...
Well, all that changed this past Monday. The twins started pre-school. They go full time Monday through Thursday from 8:30am to 3:30pm. So everything has changed. I not only get my oldest off and on the bus, but I have to get the twins around and to school on time as well. That requires waking the baby earlier than he's used to and toting him around. Thank goodness he's such a good sport about it.
Well, having been with the twins about half their lives I knew this day would come where they'd go off to school. I didn't foresee however me having such a hard time with it. But it became very real to me about 2 weeks ago when we went to visit their school and their teacher came to our home to visit them. I knew my little guys were close to taking that next step into the next phase of their lives. Sadly, I was not ready..
They were beyond excited which made it a little easier to see them off. But their first day rolled around this past Monday. They were bouncing off the walls and ready to go. Half of me told myself everything is going to be just fine, they're excited, you should be excited for them too. The other half wanted to "accidentally forget" to take them.. But I know that wouldn't be fair to them.. So they got dressed, got their shoes on, grabbed their backpacks, and were ready to go.. After dropping Alex off at his grandma's we were on our way.
We got there and got the code to sign them in and out on the computer, then walked down to the class room.. I was doing good, I was holding up and feeding off their excitement and enjoyed seeing how ready they were and how anxious they were to get to class. Parents were allowed to stick around for as long as they wanted and have breakfast with their kids, so I stuck around. I didn't eat anything but sat with them while they ate. They were too excited to eat all their breakfast and were soon off playing, leaving me at the table by myself. That's when it hit me. They were OK with leaving me. They were off in there own little world, playing with toys and other kids, and not once looking up or around to make sure I was there or was near. This should be a proud moment for me because they're so ready and so OK with being on their own that they aren't bothered by Mom or Dad leaving. But part of me wanted them to at least look up to make sure I was still around. I sat there for about 5 or so minutes just watching them play, marveling at how grown up they look, and being blown away at how fast time has flown since they were born. It feels like it was just yesterday that we got the news that we were having twins, then watching them come into this world, taking their first steps, and now they're starting school... Things will never be the same again. They will fall into the school schedule and routine that will take them through their next 13 years, they will lose a little of that innocence as they are around other kids and not at home full time. So I sat there thinking of all this and felt that lump in my throat and felt my eyes start to sting. I knew then, it was time to go but in the greater scheme of things, it was time to let go. I know that may come across as overly dramatic but it's true, and I've spent so much time with them, and invested so much time with them, that it feels like I'm letting that part of my life go and moving on to a new part of life. Which essentially I am...
So with all the dignity and grace a 36 year old man on the verge of tears can muster, I got up and walked over to where they were playing and got their attention. I told them that I was going to be taking off. Part of me was interested in seeing how Jonah responded because he doesn't like to be left alone or behind. So I brace myself to see Jonah lose it, even if it's just a little. Because if he loses it, I'm done and there will be no "saving it." But both boys look up at me and without missing a beat both say simultaneously "OK." OK? That's it? I'm not mad by the response, but taken aback.. They were really OK with me leaving. They were ready for this. They were going to be just fine. I wasn't ready for that fully. I honestly expected some resistance or trepidation. So, they both ran over to me, hugged me, gave me high fives, then ran back to what they were doing.. Not once looking back.. So, just to be sure I said "OK boys, I'm taking off." They respond with "Bye Dad."
With that, I start walking out and get about half way down the hall when that lump in my throat returns, and I can feel my eyes sting. I wipe my eyes JUST as their teacher walks out of the supply room..... Great... I'm sure she see's this all the time. But I'm not one who is usually quick to show emotion. So I feel like this giant weepy freak. I quickly try to regain composure and she immediately notices me doing so and says "it's ok dad, they're going to be fine." I just kinda smile and nod, I want to say "it's not them I'm worried about." But I just say "yeah, just tough to see them grow up." She agrees and says "we'll see you this afternoon." And I turn and walk out.
I get to my car and sit there for a few minutes. I never fully broke down. But it took me a minute to wipe my eyes and make sure I was going to not lose it.
So, here we are after week one of them being in school. They LOVE it. They are so excited every morning to get to go. I have to fight them to come home. Which in the big picture I would rather have than to fight them to go. I'm doing better with it all. And Alex and I are adjusting to life with a quiet house for a large portion of the day. He has napped better since they've started. I've started putting him down earlier around 12:30pm, and have to wake him at 3 pm to go get the boys. Today is the first day they've had off since they started and they're already asking when they can go back. But it's made me appreciate today more, we wrestled a little more than normal this morning, and things have been good today. So maybe this is going to be a blessing in disguise. It's freed me up during the day to be able to leave the house. I took Alex up to Jill's work to visit yesterday. So maybe this will be good for all involved.... But it's still hard to see them grow so quickly..
Anyway, I realize this isn't my normal entry that is laced with humor and sarcasm. But hey, life isn't always funny. Thanks for allowing me to put that aside for a minute and share a deeper moment for me. I promise to bring back the regular entries next time.
Until then next time...
Be Well
Well, all that changed this past Monday. The twins started pre-school. They go full time Monday through Thursday from 8:30am to 3:30pm. So everything has changed. I not only get my oldest off and on the bus, but I have to get the twins around and to school on time as well. That requires waking the baby earlier than he's used to and toting him around. Thank goodness he's such a good sport about it.
Well, having been with the twins about half their lives I knew this day would come where they'd go off to school. I didn't foresee however me having such a hard time with it. But it became very real to me about 2 weeks ago when we went to visit their school and their teacher came to our home to visit them. I knew my little guys were close to taking that next step into the next phase of their lives. Sadly, I was not ready..
They were beyond excited which made it a little easier to see them off. But their first day rolled around this past Monday. They were bouncing off the walls and ready to go. Half of me told myself everything is going to be just fine, they're excited, you should be excited for them too. The other half wanted to "accidentally forget" to take them.. But I know that wouldn't be fair to them.. So they got dressed, got their shoes on, grabbed their backpacks, and were ready to go.. After dropping Alex off at his grandma's we were on our way.
We got there and got the code to sign them in and out on the computer, then walked down to the class room.. I was doing good, I was holding up and feeding off their excitement and enjoyed seeing how ready they were and how anxious they were to get to class. Parents were allowed to stick around for as long as they wanted and have breakfast with their kids, so I stuck around. I didn't eat anything but sat with them while they ate. They were too excited to eat all their breakfast and were soon off playing, leaving me at the table by myself. That's when it hit me. They were OK with leaving me. They were off in there own little world, playing with toys and other kids, and not once looking up or around to make sure I was there or was near. This should be a proud moment for me because they're so ready and so OK with being on their own that they aren't bothered by Mom or Dad leaving. But part of me wanted them to at least look up to make sure I was still around. I sat there for about 5 or so minutes just watching them play, marveling at how grown up they look, and being blown away at how fast time has flown since they were born. It feels like it was just yesterday that we got the news that we were having twins, then watching them come into this world, taking their first steps, and now they're starting school... Things will never be the same again. They will fall into the school schedule and routine that will take them through their next 13 years, they will lose a little of that innocence as they are around other kids and not at home full time. So I sat there thinking of all this and felt that lump in my throat and felt my eyes start to sting. I knew then, it was time to go but in the greater scheme of things, it was time to let go. I know that may come across as overly dramatic but it's true, and I've spent so much time with them, and invested so much time with them, that it feels like I'm letting that part of my life go and moving on to a new part of life. Which essentially I am...
So with all the dignity and grace a 36 year old man on the verge of tears can muster, I got up and walked over to where they were playing and got their attention. I told them that I was going to be taking off. Part of me was interested in seeing how Jonah responded because he doesn't like to be left alone or behind. So I brace myself to see Jonah lose it, even if it's just a little. Because if he loses it, I'm done and there will be no "saving it." But both boys look up at me and without missing a beat both say simultaneously "OK." OK? That's it? I'm not mad by the response, but taken aback.. They were really OK with me leaving. They were ready for this. They were going to be just fine. I wasn't ready for that fully. I honestly expected some resistance or trepidation. So, they both ran over to me, hugged me, gave me high fives, then ran back to what they were doing.. Not once looking back.. So, just to be sure I said "OK boys, I'm taking off." They respond with "Bye Dad."
With that, I start walking out and get about half way down the hall when that lump in my throat returns, and I can feel my eyes sting. I wipe my eyes JUST as their teacher walks out of the supply room..... Great... I'm sure she see's this all the time. But I'm not one who is usually quick to show emotion. So I feel like this giant weepy freak. I quickly try to regain composure and she immediately notices me doing so and says "it's ok dad, they're going to be fine." I just kinda smile and nod, I want to say "it's not them I'm worried about." But I just say "yeah, just tough to see them grow up." She agrees and says "we'll see you this afternoon." And I turn and walk out.
I get to my car and sit there for a few minutes. I never fully broke down. But it took me a minute to wipe my eyes and make sure I was going to not lose it.
So, here we are after week one of them being in school. They LOVE it. They are so excited every morning to get to go. I have to fight them to come home. Which in the big picture I would rather have than to fight them to go. I'm doing better with it all. And Alex and I are adjusting to life with a quiet house for a large portion of the day. He has napped better since they've started. I've started putting him down earlier around 12:30pm, and have to wake him at 3 pm to go get the boys. Today is the first day they've had off since they started and they're already asking when they can go back. But it's made me appreciate today more, we wrestled a little more than normal this morning, and things have been good today. So maybe this is going to be a blessing in disguise. It's freed me up during the day to be able to leave the house. I took Alex up to Jill's work to visit yesterday. So maybe this will be good for all involved.... But it's still hard to see them grow so quickly..
Anyway, I realize this isn't my normal entry that is laced with humor and sarcasm. But hey, life isn't always funny. Thanks for allowing me to put that aside for a minute and share a deeper moment for me. I promise to bring back the regular entries next time.
Until then next time...
Be Well
Friday, August 29, 2014
Life's Been Good To Me So Far.....
I think half the fun of writing in my blog is coming up with song titles that kind of go along with what my blog entry will be about. So this is fun because I get to use on of my favorite musicians Joe Walsh.
Anyway, It's been awhile since I've posted last and I apologize for that. Have you ever had those times in life where you just felt like you lost ALL motivation? Like you have NOTHING left to give to anyone or anything? That's how I've been feeling as of late. Like a zombie just stumbling through life. I've done my best not to whine about it to anyone in my life or on Facebook. Because honestly, what good does whining do? And who wants to sit and listen to me complain about absolutely nothing?
I've been up to a bit as of late. In August we took a day and went "camping" overnight. And by camping I mean staying at a hotel in Hart, Michigan. See, I don't camp.. I've tried tent camping and quickly found out that while I do love the outdoors, I'm not meant to sleep in it.. The one time we tried camping for a half week in a tent was a dumpster fire. It rained so hard one night that we had mini lakes all over the tent. It was cold, the air mattress kept losing air, and it poured all night long. The only person that slept like a baby that night was Caleb. And he was a baby at that time. He was a few months old at that point and didn't seem fazed at all by the temperature or rain. You see, with the exception of a few years every year since 1999 I have went with my wife and her family to what is called "Family Camp." It's a camp her church uses every August for a week in Pentwater, Michigan. The first year I went it was so hot that we left half way through the week. And that was after I'm pretty sure I had sun poisoning from getting sunburned so bad while swimming in Lake Michigan. If you don't supply your own tent or camper, you can stay in these old army canvas tents. The tents are on a platform and can sleep around 10 or maybe slightly more. What isn't in the brochure is the copious amounts of daddy long legs that come with these tents... And I'm not talking 1 or 2 throughout the week... I'm talking anywhere from a half dozen to a dozen in your tent at any given moment. And if it's chilly outside and you have a heater in your tent, that is apparently a HUGE green light throughout the spider community for them to invade your tent... So you can only imagine my thrill when it's time to go to bed. Usually it consists of brushing my teeth and taking benadryl to knock myself out. But that is only before I take a broom and do my best impression of Miguel Cabrera inside the tent. Swinging at anything that moves on the floor or walls or ceiling of that tent. I must look like a crazed person to anyone that walks by. But you haven't experienced the slumber of angels until you've had a daddy long legs spider walk across your face in the middle of the night.. Because that has happened... I've had them walk across my head, my face, arms... It's like walking into one of your nightmares, and then trying to sleep. I don't really ever sleep well there.
That being said, we went again this year. The last few years due to small children we've went for a day or two and stayed in a hotel. That to me is camping... We sleep, wake up, eat at the hotel, then spend the day at the camp. I made mention before how my kids have never peed on me or worse. Yeah, I've been thrown up on and I've even done the parental "catch it in your hands without thinking deal." But this was a first for me. Alex needed a clean up in aisle poo. So I take him to the van, put him on his changing pad, and get his diaper undone and off. I clean him up and he lets loose this long, arching, fountain of pee. It was majestic, and I'm pretty sure had it not been pee I would have saluted and waited for the national anthem to play. But, I just stood there dumbfounded as he drenches me and himself in this Bellagio-esque fountain of pee. All down the from of my legs, my shoes, socks... soaked... He drenched his sock, the changing pad, and the floor of the van. Well done sir, well done.. I know this seems like a small deal to some of you who have been peed on, poo'd on, and had every conceivable bottle fluid on you at some point or another by your children. But this was my first and it was a whirlwind of emotions.. At first, I was like, "huh, so this is what it's like.." Followed by a little anger and asking the baby why he'd do that to me.. Like he's gonna answer me.. He was content to splash in his pee on the floor like a monkey you'd see do the same at a zoo.. So after anger came paralysis.. I will allow you 15 seconds of laugh time....................................................................... OK.. Yes, paralysis. Not having dealt with this before and being suddenly pee covered you don't know exactly how to react. Kind of like the tough guy who is a 455th degree black belt in 45 different forms of Kung Fu, then on the street when a lady is being mugged he freezes and watches it all go down, without lifting a finger.. That was me.. Sure, I'd laughed at Jill before as she has been peed on, poo'd on, etc... But, then it happens to me and I turn into the Tin Man from Wizard of Oz.. I just freeze... I'm standing there pee running into my socks, him splashing around like a deranged seal, and all I can do is yell for Jill. I yell what has happened and she responds with "what do you want me to do about it? Clean him up." Well played.. So I clean him up, change him, change me, wipe out the fan and put his changing pad on the top of the van to dry. I'm thankful there will be no more children, because I don't want to go through that again.
My laptop died on me as well recently. My hard drive decided life wasn't worth living and died. With it, it took about 50 some pieces of writing that was going to go toward this book idea I have. I've had people offer such helpful pieces of advice and comments as "you didn't back up your work?" "you didn't save it on a drive or anything?" No, no I didn't.. Had I have, I wouldn't be upset about it would I? And it's not like you plan for a crash of your hard drive... But alas, I guess I have no one to blame but myself for not doing that. So I now get to go back and try to find all this lost work as some of it is on Facebook. Some I can recreate from memory. But lesson learned. Everything is going on my flash drive from now on.
Jill ran her first 5 k recently so that is pretty awesome. I cheered her on by staying home with the baby and drinking coffee. But that is a huge accomplishment for her and for that I'm proud. It's not something I could ever do. She plans on doing it again next year and Caleb is planning on doing it with her. I'll be at the finish line with a Whopper in my hand and ketchup stains all over me cheering her on...
Caleb is getting ready to start his last year in elementary school... I can't begin to tell you how old this makes me feel... Next year he will be in a new school, junior high, and this makes my head hurt a little.. To add to this the twins are starting full day, Monday through Thursday pre-school. I'm actually struggling with this a little bit.. I've been home with them now for a good amount of time and it will be hard at first not having them home all day with me. It'll be just me and Alex.. It will be quiet... I'll have a little more maneuverability to go places as I'll just be lugging one kid with me as opposed to three. So there are pluses.
That really catches you up on what's been going on with me here the last few months. Not much of anything. Life has been good. I will do my best to update this more. I just get into a funk and don't try. I am going to get started on book pitches by the middle of September!
Until Next Time...
Be Well
Anyway, It's been awhile since I've posted last and I apologize for that. Have you ever had those times in life where you just felt like you lost ALL motivation? Like you have NOTHING left to give to anyone or anything? That's how I've been feeling as of late. Like a zombie just stumbling through life. I've done my best not to whine about it to anyone in my life or on Facebook. Because honestly, what good does whining do? And who wants to sit and listen to me complain about absolutely nothing?
I've been up to a bit as of late. In August we took a day and went "camping" overnight. And by camping I mean staying at a hotel in Hart, Michigan. See, I don't camp.. I've tried tent camping and quickly found out that while I do love the outdoors, I'm not meant to sleep in it.. The one time we tried camping for a half week in a tent was a dumpster fire. It rained so hard one night that we had mini lakes all over the tent. It was cold, the air mattress kept losing air, and it poured all night long. The only person that slept like a baby that night was Caleb. And he was a baby at that time. He was a few months old at that point and didn't seem fazed at all by the temperature or rain. You see, with the exception of a few years every year since 1999 I have went with my wife and her family to what is called "Family Camp." It's a camp her church uses every August for a week in Pentwater, Michigan. The first year I went it was so hot that we left half way through the week. And that was after I'm pretty sure I had sun poisoning from getting sunburned so bad while swimming in Lake Michigan. If you don't supply your own tent or camper, you can stay in these old army canvas tents. The tents are on a platform and can sleep around 10 or maybe slightly more. What isn't in the brochure is the copious amounts of daddy long legs that come with these tents... And I'm not talking 1 or 2 throughout the week... I'm talking anywhere from a half dozen to a dozen in your tent at any given moment. And if it's chilly outside and you have a heater in your tent, that is apparently a HUGE green light throughout the spider community for them to invade your tent... So you can only imagine my thrill when it's time to go to bed. Usually it consists of brushing my teeth and taking benadryl to knock myself out. But that is only before I take a broom and do my best impression of Miguel Cabrera inside the tent. Swinging at anything that moves on the floor or walls or ceiling of that tent. I must look like a crazed person to anyone that walks by. But you haven't experienced the slumber of angels until you've had a daddy long legs spider walk across your face in the middle of the night.. Because that has happened... I've had them walk across my head, my face, arms... It's like walking into one of your nightmares, and then trying to sleep. I don't really ever sleep well there.
That being said, we went again this year. The last few years due to small children we've went for a day or two and stayed in a hotel. That to me is camping... We sleep, wake up, eat at the hotel, then spend the day at the camp. I made mention before how my kids have never peed on me or worse. Yeah, I've been thrown up on and I've even done the parental "catch it in your hands without thinking deal." But this was a first for me. Alex needed a clean up in aisle poo. So I take him to the van, put him on his changing pad, and get his diaper undone and off. I clean him up and he lets loose this long, arching, fountain of pee. It was majestic, and I'm pretty sure had it not been pee I would have saluted and waited for the national anthem to play. But, I just stood there dumbfounded as he drenches me and himself in this Bellagio-esque fountain of pee. All down the from of my legs, my shoes, socks... soaked... He drenched his sock, the changing pad, and the floor of the van. Well done sir, well done.. I know this seems like a small deal to some of you who have been peed on, poo'd on, and had every conceivable bottle fluid on you at some point or another by your children. But this was my first and it was a whirlwind of emotions.. At first, I was like, "huh, so this is what it's like.." Followed by a little anger and asking the baby why he'd do that to me.. Like he's gonna answer me.. He was content to splash in his pee on the floor like a monkey you'd see do the same at a zoo.. So after anger came paralysis.. I will allow you 15 seconds of laugh time....................................................................... OK.. Yes, paralysis. Not having dealt with this before and being suddenly pee covered you don't know exactly how to react. Kind of like the tough guy who is a 455th degree black belt in 45 different forms of Kung Fu, then on the street when a lady is being mugged he freezes and watches it all go down, without lifting a finger.. That was me.. Sure, I'd laughed at Jill before as she has been peed on, poo'd on, etc... But, then it happens to me and I turn into the Tin Man from Wizard of Oz.. I just freeze... I'm standing there pee running into my socks, him splashing around like a deranged seal, and all I can do is yell for Jill. I yell what has happened and she responds with "what do you want me to do about it? Clean him up." Well played.. So I clean him up, change him, change me, wipe out the fan and put his changing pad on the top of the van to dry. I'm thankful there will be no more children, because I don't want to go through that again.
My laptop died on me as well recently. My hard drive decided life wasn't worth living and died. With it, it took about 50 some pieces of writing that was going to go toward this book idea I have. I've had people offer such helpful pieces of advice and comments as "you didn't back up your work?" "you didn't save it on a drive or anything?" No, no I didn't.. Had I have, I wouldn't be upset about it would I? And it's not like you plan for a crash of your hard drive... But alas, I guess I have no one to blame but myself for not doing that. So I now get to go back and try to find all this lost work as some of it is on Facebook. Some I can recreate from memory. But lesson learned. Everything is going on my flash drive from now on.
Jill ran her first 5 k recently so that is pretty awesome. I cheered her on by staying home with the baby and drinking coffee. But that is a huge accomplishment for her and for that I'm proud. It's not something I could ever do. She plans on doing it again next year and Caleb is planning on doing it with her. I'll be at the finish line with a Whopper in my hand and ketchup stains all over me cheering her on...
Caleb is getting ready to start his last year in elementary school... I can't begin to tell you how old this makes me feel... Next year he will be in a new school, junior high, and this makes my head hurt a little.. To add to this the twins are starting full day, Monday through Thursday pre-school. I'm actually struggling with this a little bit.. I've been home with them now for a good amount of time and it will be hard at first not having them home all day with me. It'll be just me and Alex.. It will be quiet... I'll have a little more maneuverability to go places as I'll just be lugging one kid with me as opposed to three. So there are pluses.
That really catches you up on what's been going on with me here the last few months. Not much of anything. Life has been good. I will do my best to update this more. I just get into a funk and don't try. I am going to get started on book pitches by the middle of September!
Until Next Time...
Be Well
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