I'm in my 3rd full day back at home. Things have been alright. I've managed to keep up on my journal for the most part. I need to get better at doing it everyday. Everyone here has been good about giving me some space. Just not my first day home as the boys seemed to never be more than a few feet away wherever I went. I have to remember they probably didn't understand what was fully going on and were thrown off by the fact dad wasn't at home. Both of the twins admitted to breaking down in their beds at night. I feel horrible about that. We have been open and honest with them and they are free to ask questions whenever they have any.
The first two days were spent catching up on sleep and getting back into being home. Today Jill went back into the office due to our internet being out. The boys have driven me crazy today. The three oldest like to gang up on and torment the youngest until he screams. And he has one of those screams that is so piercing that it would make a dolphin beach itself. And that is what they go for when they gang up on him. Their big payoff is hearing him scream and watching him throw a fit by pounding his fists into the floor or walls and completely meltdown. I could actually feel my blood pressure rising as I lost my cool with them. I really hate yelling at them, but, they never listen and continue to push both me and the youngest.
I went into work today for about an hour to take in my slip from the hospital. I spoke with my general manager and he shared some things with me I never would have guessed. But our talk has me thinking. Why is there such a stigma with not only mental health issues but when men have them? During my time in the hospital I heard more than one guy say that they never talked about their depression. They felt it made them feel or look weak and feel like they weren't' meant to admit they were struggling. So they would continuously push it down or away and wouldn't deal with it. And the more you push it away, the worse it is when it comes back again. And this vicious cycle continues until the person breaks and either gets help or attempts to commit suicide. I am guilty of this to a certain degree. I would push the depression away and hope it would just go away. I wasn't and am not ashamed of my struggles, I just chose to ignore it in hopes it would take care of itself. I know that isn't much better, and I too ended up paying the price for it.
We need to end the stigma that surrounds mental health problems. Not just for men, but for everyone. I've heard people refer to someone with mental illness as crazy. And that isn't fair. We didn't ask for this, and statements like that and name calling only further push that person to keep quiet and not say anything or seek help. I feel more needs to be done in regards to ending the stigma associated with mental illness.
For those who don't know, Stigma is when someone views you in a negative way because you have a distinguishing characteristic or personal trait thought to be a disadvantage. People sometimes see those with mental health issues as lesser than the rest because of their problems. Stigma can lead to discrimination in some cases. But furthermore, stigma can be very harmful to those suffering from mental illness. It can lead to reluctance in seeking help, lack of understanding, bullying, and possibly the belief you will never be successful in certain challenges or improve your situation in life.
The best way we can combat the stigma we can face is to speak up and speak out. Speaking up and showing support for people with mental illness can help instill courage in others who are fighting the same or similar battles. That is why I am doing this. I am putting my story out there not only as a way for me to cope, deal, and heal. But to show others that they are not alone. And that it is is ok to stand up and speak out. If only one person reads this and feels compelled to share their story as well then I will be more than happy. I benefited from seeing, meeting, and hearing others stories and sharing my own as well when I was in the hospital. So I figured why not share mine on a bigger scale where it could possibly have a better chance to reach more people?
If I were more comfortable with public speaking, I would love to set up an assembly with local high schools and bring some people with me who have struggled with mental illness or those who have lost loved ones to suicide. And just have them share their stories and include a message about suicide prevention and how it's ok to not be ok, and that seeking help isn't a sign of weakness but a show of strength. I would call it Stand up, Speak up, Don't Give Up....
But that is all I have for now, If anyone ever needs to speak to someone or wants to share their story I am always available.
Until Then,
Be Well....
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