The Struggle...

Dark thoughts fill the spaces of my mind,
making happiness and laughter hard to find.

The weight on my chest, the feeling of despair,
The thought of no pain, suicide is there...

Knocking on the door like a welcome old friend,
offering you a solution if you only let him in.

The pain will be gone, your trouble will be through,
just listen to me friend, I'll show you what to do...

They won't miss you much, they'll be better off in the long run,
you have plenty of options to choose from, rope, car, pills, or gun...

There's no time like the present, no better time than now,
don't stop to think this over, don't think too much about how...

Pull the trigger, tie the knot, don't think, just do,
I'm your friend remember, I'm just trying to help you...

Do you want to live in pain, is life fun when you're depressed?
Do you like not being happy, do you like always being stressed?

I'm here to help you, friend, I promise to make it all go away,
Just lean on me brother, let me show you the way...

Take my hand, do not be afraid, everything is going to be alright,
I'm here for you to lean on, you no longer have to fight..

You're tired, I see this, you've been fighting for so long,
You're weakening, your defenses are failing, you no longer have to be strong.

Just embrace me, don't cry, I promise everything will be ok.
It will be all over before you know it,  all you have to do friend, is let me show you the way....


This is kind of a snippet into what the struggle looked like to me in my head when I thought about suicide.  Pain, stress, fear, all very real, all sitting on your chest like an elephant.  And then there is an escape, maybe not the best way to escape but a way out nonetheless.  And that weight can be so heavy, so overpowering, that any escape can look very tempting.  And it's like the cartoons you watched as a child,  angel on one shoulder, the devil on the other, both vying for your attention.  Only you don't hear the angel.  You only hear the devil offering you an easy solution.   That's just what it felt like to me anyway.  I'm sure everyone has different experiences.   I can only write to mine.  I know this is very dark and for that, I do apologize.  But, it's where I'm at right now.   Am I suicidal right now or having thoughts of it?   No, I have a game plan set forth by doctors, and the support of family and friends who have taken the time to show me, love and support.   And for you all, I am forever grateful and forever in debt to you for your kinds words and support.  

I'm still not in a good place.  It's still very dark.  But there is a glimmer of light in the distance and I will get there.

Until Next Time...

Be Well...