For the most part it takes next to zero talent to play any of these characters… There typically is no dress up, no interaction with kids, and no special talent needed.. Just the ability to be quiet and not a complete idiot.
I’m a pretty darn good Santa. OK, I don’t normally play Santa. That is usually left to the wife because she is particular about how presents are distributed and placed… I would be just as happy tossing them under the tree from 6 to 8 feet away and calling it good.. She strategically places gifts under the tree in such a way that they’ll get distributed Christmas morning in the order she wants them opened.. It’s quite a work of art really… Or maybe some lunacy and OCD but who is to say?
Easter… Again, that’s her.. She is particular about the setup of the baskets and how they’re displayed on the table for when the kids first discover them in the morning.. The more I think about it, the more I’m glad she does this.. Otherwise the kids would think Santa and the Easter Bunny suffer from some form of brain damage as they’d just throw stuff into the basket and under the tree with no rhyme or reason and it’d look horrible…
So my one job is to be Tooth Fairy… Not the worst job to be left right?? Wrong… You have to be part ninja in order to pull it off… First off, who ever decided putting the tooth under their pillow is an idiot.. Why set yourself up to have to disturb their sleep by jamming your hand under their pillow and rooting around for a tooth that could be anywhere? Then there is the fact that my 3 oldest sleep in a triple bunk bed that I built.. So when Jonah who sleeps on the top bunk loses a tooth, I have reach up to a height of probably 6’3” and try to fish around under a pillow…
This leads me to my story of being a complete failure of a Tooth Fairy…
Jonah had just lost a tooth and was very excited that the Tooth Fairy would be visiting that night… So bedtime comes and they get read to and I make my way back down stairs. We decide to wait a while until we are sure they’re asleep to make an attempt at the tooth…. Well… I completely forget and go to bed.. Sometime around 6:15 the next morning Jill wakes and asks me if I ever grabbed that tooth and put the money under the pillow…….. CRAP!!! I completely forgot… Now I have several factors working against me here..
It’s 6:15am, the boys may or may not be awake already…
I’m a pretty big dude walking on a floor that creaks when the wind blows let alone me trudging across it..
I have to reach up, under a headrest board, and under a pillow and try to find a tooth that could be anywhere due to him being a wild sleeper…
So, I head up and creak my way across the floor… No one is stirring so far.. I get to the head of Jonah’s bed and reach under his pillow and there is NO TOOTH!!! Now part of me hopes that there was really a Tooth Fairy and she came and got the tooth already… But the realist in me has come to grips with the fact that he has pushed it somewhere in the midst of this thrashing sleep..
So,I thrust my hand back under his pillow and slide it full length and finally find his tooth and pull it out… As I do Jonah sits bolt upright and rubs his eyes… Quickly I put the tooth in my pocket and stand there with the money in my hand like a complete idiot… Jonah turns around and leans over the railing and goes “hey dad, what’re you doing?” I’m so screwed… How do I explain this? I have 2 options… Option 1, I render him unconscious with a shot to the head.. Or 2, I come up with some story and pray he buys it…
So after what feels like 15 years of standing frozen I realize I have the money in my hand that I was going to put under his pillow… So here is what I came up with on the fly…
“Hey buddy, I was just coming upstairs to get you and Josh up for school and found this money laying on the floor… It must have fallen out from under your pillow last night after the Tooth Fairy was here….” I hand him the dollar bill and he says “thanks dad, good thing you found it or I might have never found it and thought the Tooth Fairy forgot to leave money.” My heartbeat was about 193 bmp at this point.. But he bought it!! So keeping in character with that story I say
“Well, glad I found it for you… Alright guys, let’s get up and moving for school…”
Holy crap…. Since that incident there have 2 other incidents of the Tooth Fairy forgetting to come…. Both my fault.. The first the boys got up and discovered the Tooth Fairy hadn’t come yet and was disappointed… I admit, I forgot to go up that night… So I told them.. Sometimes the Tooth Fairy is super busy and to think of all their friends who had teeth fall out and then think about all the kids in the world and there only being one fairy to cover the world… Sometimes she runs behind schedule.. Meanwhile, I had run upstairs while they were getting dressed downstairs and put the money under their pillow. Then came back down and told them to run up and check on last time before they went to school… And low and behold there would be money and they were beside themselves that the Tooth Fairy snuck in and out of the house while everyone was awake… Man I suck… Then I forgot about a week ago and this time Jill told them to go check one last time and she had run the money up there… OK, so maybe I’m not such a good Tooth Fairy… But hey, I have a lot working against me here…
So now, we have the boys leave their teeth on their bed posts instead of under their pillows… And I can just run up grab the tooth, drop the money on the bedpost and run like a lunatic across the room and downstairs before they wake up.
Who knew being a fictitious character could be so hard???
Until Next Time….
Be Well,
Rob Gibson
