This may be a post that you may start reading and then stop a little way into it and that's ok.
This particular entry is directed at a certain group of people.
10 years ago I begrudgingly made the decision to join a small group at our church. We joined through friends of ours who invited us. I will be the first to admit that the thought of giving up every other Sunday to go to group was about as appealing as playing hornet hive pinata. But I did it because I knew it was good for me and it was a chance to deepen my faith through fellowship with others. And so we went. Now mind you, out of this group of 10 total (5 couples) 4 people now work at the church, 3 are on pastoral staff, 1 works in the offices, 2 more are on the worship team. That to me is pretty intimidating. I started off very intimidated by this group of people. At that time they weren't all on church staff, but nonetheless they were light years ahead of me in faith, knowledge of religion, living it daily, etc.. I felt like an outsider. They did everything to dispel that feeling and over the course of time my comfort level grew.
We did studies, we did programs, we volunteered in the community. We caroled one Christmas and handed out gas cards to people, we volunteered at the homeless shelter, prepared dinner and gave a Christmas service. We even did a worship night at the church and invited others to come and listen to music, fellowship, and experience what small groups were like. And while our community service may have fallen off a little throughout the years one thing remained consistent, our attendance.
Our group had the best overall attendance and that was something we were very proud of. We all made the effort to be there.
All that being said a series of events as of late has altered the course of our group. Our leaders decided it was time they step down and step away from the group to pursue other interest, they had
a lot on their plates, and were just plain tired. And that is totally understandable. So with that our group met one final time after they left to discuss our groups future. And I had a feeling as soon as the leaders left that the group would ultimately dissolve. And that isn't through fault of anyone. It just felt like maybe our time being a group had run it's course. We still enjoyed fellowship and hanging out but the question was asked. If the group decided to split would you seek another group on your own?
Here is my honest answer, no, I wouldn't. And it's not out of lack of wanting to. But I don't feel strong enough in my faith to seek another group. I deal with anxiety and it takes me awhile to warm up to group settings and with all that is going on with me I just don't feel comfortable starting over or like I would be at my best to start again. Maybe that will change. maybe it won't, I can't honestly answer that. Only time will tell. But after being part of such a great group it will be hard to find a group and not put expectations on that group to live up to the group we started out in. We could not have asked for a better group to land in and I am so grateful for that.
That being said. The point of this entry is to simply say thank you.. Thank you to the leaders of this group who lead us brilliantly for 10 years not only in our group but outside as well. Making hospital visits, and sharing life events with everyone in the group from births, to deaths, to celebrations of different varieties. We are so blessed to know you guys not only from group but long before our group, and it's been awesome watching our kids grow, and getting to experience life with you guys.
We love you guys and we are excited to see what the future holds for you guys. Thank you for allowing us to be a part of this group and for helping me grow in my faith.
To the rest of the group: Thank you for everything you have done for myself and our family.
We are so lucky to have you all in our lives and the past 10 years have far exceeded what I thought they would the first few times we came to group. From game nights, to family gatherings, we have had the pleasure of watching all of our families grow from when we started and there were very few kids total, to now where the total number of kids out numbers the total number of adults in the group. And it has been amazing seeing you all come up to the hospital to welcome our last 3 kids.
You guys have helped me personally grow in ways I didn't think were possible. I let very few people in on some of the things I have shared at group. But I felt comfortable enough to share these things knowing that I had support from the group. I know I may not have talked a lot during discussions and studies, but I was definitely listening and learning. A lot of the times I felt like anything I had to say wouldn't really contribute much to the discussion so I was happy to listen to those who's faith and knowledge are far greater than mine and absorb through their words. Like when I work wrestling shows and just sit and listen to veterans of the business tells stories and share their wisdom, I am most happy to sit there and listen. And I've learned so much from you guys. And I've grown so much from listening to your words and implementing them into my life and everyday practices.
What I have taken away from this group is something I could never possibly explain or repay. And thank you doesn't seem like nearly enough.
In closing, I am extremely sad to see our group come to an end. Do I think it's time? I can't say yes because that would be admitting that it is. And while I'm sad to see it end, I am so honored and blessed to have been a part of it. In a time where small groups were the focus point in our church we lead by example and that is something to be very proud of. All good things must eventually come to an end, and so too does our group. Thank you all so very much for everything throughout the past 10 years. My hope is that we keep supporting each other as we did in our group throughout life events that may come in the future. That we find time to talk to one another, maybe even get together once in awhile for old times sake with our families. Thank you so much and we love you guys. Life will go forward, but we will forever be The Minivan Mafia....
I know this wasn't a normal blog for me and I will get back to those soon enough.
Until Next Time..
Be Well
Monday, December 11, 2017
Friday, December 1, 2017
So This Is 40....
So here I am... Officially 40... I have to say it's very strange for me to say that and even more weird to hear it. Do I feel 40? Not even close. I still feel the same as I did when I was 18. My body likes to remind me that this isn't the case anymore. Not that I was expecting some great change in feeling, being, life, the minute I turned 40. But, it's a pretty big milestone birthday ya know? It signifies that your life is half over.. I'm kidding of course. But it is a big step and a step further away from the person I used to be. I can still remember conversations had during lunch my senior year of high school and that all feels like it was just a few months ago and not 22 years ago.
I still don't have life figured out, and at this point, I'm starting to think two things.
1. I never will.
2. I don't think anyone ever really has figured this thing out..
And that is both ok and frustrating. Am I where I thought I would be at 40? Not even close.
Do I know where I wanted to be at 40? Nope, and I still don't. I wish I did though.
My life at 18 was baseball and social life. My cares didn't go beyond what I was doing that weekend.
40 seemed so far off and SOOO OLD.. But I was sure I'd be somewhere doing something important, making a difference somehow. I'm doing my best to not over analyze my life to this point and play the would've/should've game. Life is such that even one small detour on the road of life can take you somewhere that you would have never guessed but wouldn't change for the world.
At 18 I had no intentions of ever getting married, and did not want kids. But a job I took while in college led me to my future wife, which led to getting married, which led to having 4 boys. Is that the path I thought life would choose for me? Not at all, but I wouldn't change a thing. If I had gone a different route, there would be no meeting her, no making lifelong friends at that job that have become like family, and no having 4 boys to drive me absolutely insane. Funny how life works things out sometimes isn't it?
Even my way of celebrating birthdays has changed. 21 was spent bar hopping with friends, 30 was spent hanging out with those lifelong friends over drinks and music, and 40 was spent with my parents and my family eating a quiet dinner at a restaurant. And it was nice. This birthday was the best I have had in a long time. It was nice to sit there and look around the table at my family and all that I have been blessed with and for that moment in time, there was peace and contentment. Something I haven't felt in a very long time. Especially with all that has gone on in the last few months. Last night went a long way in showing me that I matter and that if I weren't here none of this would be either, and that there is a lot to leave behind. Is this the end of depression for me? Most likely not, and I'm sure that it will rear it's ugly head sooner than I care for it to. But learning to live in the moment and take things a day at a time, a moment at a time like last night, that sure helps things. I will continue to struggle within myself, I will have days where I feel like a huge burden to everyone, I will have days where I have thoughts that would scare most people senseless, but I am safe. Safe in knowing that there is hope beyond the struggle of that moment in time. Safe in knowing I have a support system to lean on when I can't stand on my own. Safe in knowing He will never leave me, even in my darkest hour. Safe in knowing that tomorrow will come because I let it, and choose to not act on thoughts or feelings.
Ending on a positive note, I set a goal of $500 to raise for suicide prevention and through the generosity of others who have felt moved to donate either through personal experience, my story, or someone they know battling this, we are currently at $325. There is still time left if you want to help get to that goal simply by going to https://www.facebook.com/donate/1971683886486809/
and donating whatever you feel moved to donate. Anything and everything is accepted and so gratefully appreciated. Thank you to all of you who have felt moved to donate. You are greatly appreciated and loved. This also has gone a long way in showing me that there people outside my family who care and that is amazing. Again, thank you.
Thank you to all who took a second to send birthday wishes. You all have made turning 40 so much easier than I thought it'd be. I love you all.
I will wrap this up for now. Take a minute to share my blog with someone, subscribe, comment and let me know who you are and where you're from. You're all very important.
Until next time,
Stand up, Speak up, Don't Give Up,
Rob
I still don't have life figured out, and at this point, I'm starting to think two things.
1. I never will.
2. I don't think anyone ever really has figured this thing out..
And that is both ok and frustrating. Am I where I thought I would be at 40? Not even close.
Do I know where I wanted to be at 40? Nope, and I still don't. I wish I did though.
My life at 18 was baseball and social life. My cares didn't go beyond what I was doing that weekend.
40 seemed so far off and SOOO OLD.. But I was sure I'd be somewhere doing something important, making a difference somehow. I'm doing my best to not over analyze my life to this point and play the would've/should've game. Life is such that even one small detour on the road of life can take you somewhere that you would have never guessed but wouldn't change for the world.
At 18 I had no intentions of ever getting married, and did not want kids. But a job I took while in college led me to my future wife, which led to getting married, which led to having 4 boys. Is that the path I thought life would choose for me? Not at all, but I wouldn't change a thing. If I had gone a different route, there would be no meeting her, no making lifelong friends at that job that have become like family, and no having 4 boys to drive me absolutely insane. Funny how life works things out sometimes isn't it?
Even my way of celebrating birthdays has changed. 21 was spent bar hopping with friends, 30 was spent hanging out with those lifelong friends over drinks and music, and 40 was spent with my parents and my family eating a quiet dinner at a restaurant. And it was nice. This birthday was the best I have had in a long time. It was nice to sit there and look around the table at my family and all that I have been blessed with and for that moment in time, there was peace and contentment. Something I haven't felt in a very long time. Especially with all that has gone on in the last few months. Last night went a long way in showing me that I matter and that if I weren't here none of this would be either, and that there is a lot to leave behind. Is this the end of depression for me? Most likely not, and I'm sure that it will rear it's ugly head sooner than I care for it to. But learning to live in the moment and take things a day at a time, a moment at a time like last night, that sure helps things. I will continue to struggle within myself, I will have days where I feel like a huge burden to everyone, I will have days where I have thoughts that would scare most people senseless, but I am safe. Safe in knowing that there is hope beyond the struggle of that moment in time. Safe in knowing I have a support system to lean on when I can't stand on my own. Safe in knowing He will never leave me, even in my darkest hour. Safe in knowing that tomorrow will come because I let it, and choose to not act on thoughts or feelings.
Ending on a positive note, I set a goal of $500 to raise for suicide prevention and through the generosity of others who have felt moved to donate either through personal experience, my story, or someone they know battling this, we are currently at $325. There is still time left if you want to help get to that goal simply by going to https://www.facebook.com/donate/1971683886486809/
and donating whatever you feel moved to donate. Anything and everything is accepted and so gratefully appreciated. Thank you to all of you who have felt moved to donate. You are greatly appreciated and loved. This also has gone a long way in showing me that there people outside my family who care and that is amazing. Again, thank you.
Thank you to all who took a second to send birthday wishes. You all have made turning 40 so much easier than I thought it'd be. I love you all.
I will wrap this up for now. Take a minute to share my blog with someone, subscribe, comment and let me know who you are and where you're from. You're all very important.
Until next time,
Stand up, Speak up, Don't Give Up,
Rob
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