Three Times Has To Mean Something... Right??

OK,  first things first...  Thank  you to those of you who've taken the time to read my first couple of entries.   It means a lot that you'd give up a few minutes of your time to read the mindless meanderings that I put out there...

Now, onto today's blog...

OK, so the first real blog here touched on the fact that twice now I've encountered the homeless in two different scenarios.  And in both of them I did what  I could to help how I could.  Do I think what I did was enough?  No, but I also have to understand that God put me in the position to help how and when I could.  I'm trying to be happy with that and all but it's not easy..  Giving $25 to one and $20 and three bottles of water to another hardly to me seems helpful.  I tried to list ways that it could be useful to them and I do understand that it could be.  But I can't help but think I could've done more.  I've been praying for both sets of people I encountered and hope that the little bit I could give them could stretch into something more for them.  Then top it off with praying for them in hopes that God will take care of them as well...  But I can't shake this feeling like I should've done more.  It's almost like a survivors guilt that is eating away at me.   i sit here in my home, on my laptop, typing away about this and who knows where they are now??  Or if they're ok, or how  her baby is doing,  I even worry about the dogs...  There is nothing I hate more than to see kids hurting and animals not taken care of.  Not to say they didn't love the dogs, because it was very obvious they did.  But when you're homeless and are looking for ways to feed yourself it must make it harder to find ways to feed 2 dogs.   So, I worry about them...  Sounds silly I know but it's who I am..  I wish I knew how they were all doing and see if they were making progress.  But maybe it's better that I don't?
I'm having a very hard time trying to make heads or tails of why this has affected me in such a strong way.  Usually, something will happen in life and I'll carry it around with me for a day or two and then I either forget, or I let it go and move on.  This however, I cannot seem to shake.  And that's why I wonder if there's more behind it than chance encounters?????

That brings me to my reasoning behind the latest blog here.  Saturday was when I had the encounter with the young couple trying to make it back to California by hitchhiking and any means necessary.  Almost a week later and as I said, I'm still not able to shake the thought of them.   Well, another encounter has left me convinced that there is something more to this...  And if you want to get technical there has been two encounters since last Saturday..  The first was when we were coming home from church last Sunday.   We were driving up the street past my work and on the very same corner where the couple was is a man holding a sign with bags piled behind him...   Unfortunately, we did not stop this time due to the fact we had a lot to do and little time to do it in.  As far as getting the twins home, fed and down for a nap, then getting things done before our small group that night...  But seeing it alone again shook me.  Fast forward to Wednesday..   I'm working my second day in my new dept at work.  I am standing there minding my business when a man enters the store and stands next to my stand patiently waiting for me to acknowledge him.  I turn to him and ask if there's something I can help him with.  He nods and says " It's starting to rain out there and my wife and I are homeless and have no where to go, do you think you could spare a couple of garbage bags so that we don't get completely soaked out there?"   He was a very pleasant man, and I turned to look outside and saw that it was raining pretty steadily.  I knelt down and pulled out a roll of extra large commercial garbage bags, the huge kind you see in garbage cans at the malls and what not.  He's says "if you can spare one that would be wonderful, we can share it."   My mind is going a million miles an hour by this point..  Trying to figure out what all these encounters mean and what role I could possibly play in it..   So, at that point there isn't much I can do for him money wise because I'm broke.  So all I could say is "I can do you better than that, I'll give you three, one for you, one for her and one for your things."   And I rolled off three bags and handed them to him.  He says thank you and smiles.  But what he said next literally rattled me and made this whole scenario even more difficult to figure out.  As he smiled he says "Thank you sir, God is good, and He smiles when you help someone like me."  And with that he nodded at me, and turned around, and left..  He had a smile on his face as he walked out into the rain and I saw him holding the bags out to show her.   But I was left numb as to what he said...

That's three times now that I've encountered homeless people.  And in all three instances they've had God written all over them.  Starting with the homeless man with the homemade cross in his hand,  then the homeless couple hitchhiking to California and their offer to pray for my family and wishing God's blessing on us,  and finally the homeless man the other day telling me that "God smiles when you help someone like me."  What is happening?  Why is this happening?  And what does it all mean?  It's all leading me to see that my life isn't so bad.  But it's also leaving me completely heartbroken for those who aren't as fortunate.   I mean, I'm nobody special...  So why is God leading these people to me?  Orrrr is He leading ME to them??   Either way, what point is He trying to make?   On the way home from the gym last night I passed my work.  I slowed briefly as I did and could still envision all those people standing on the corner with their signs.   And it got the wheels turning in my head.  Trying to figure all this out, trying to find the punchline to all this, trying to make it make sense but I can't.   I got home, showered, sat on the couch for a few as I perused Facebook on my phone and ultimately went to bed.  But, I didn't fall asleep as I thought I would.  My mind again wandered back to the past week and the people who's paths I've crossed.   And my mind took off like a shot..  In my last blog I quoted Matthew 25:40 "The King will reply, 'I tell you the truth, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me.    And I started thinking about Jesus returning to us someday,  I thought about an old country song by Collin Raye titled "What If Jesus Comes Back Like That"  and the song starts with him singing about Jesus coming back as a hobo or homeless person... Here are the lyrics...
He came to town on an old freight train
He jumped off in the pouring rain
Everybody said he's insane
Just a low down no account hobo
He made his bed beneath the county bridge
The town folks said hey that's not his
They signed a petition they're gonna get rid
Of that low down no account white trash.
What if Jesus comes back like that
On an old freight train in a hobo hat
Will we let him in or turn our back
What if Jesus comes back like that
Hey what if Jesus comes back like that
If you wanna listen here's the link:
http://youtu.be/aOeugaIz2Mc
But anyway, that verse in the song kept running over and over and over through my head and it really got me thinking.  What IF Jesus came back like that.  I have seen the way my co-workers dismissed them as if they didn't exist or ridiculed them for what they were doing.  Is that the test I've been given?   Then my thinking went a step further and may sound far fetched but in reality there isn't anyone who can grasp what God does or of Jesus love for us.   Here is my "What If" thought..   What if in some way Jesus does come back?  We would NEVER know unless He wants us to..  So, what if He comes back and tests people?  What if He takes on the form of a homeless person to test us and see if we are loving one another or if we would help "the least of our brothers and sisters?"   I'm not saying I personally had an encounter with Jesus but what if???  How would we know??  What if the day and time comes when I die and I get to heaven (hopefully) and I kneel before Him and He takes me through my life and we stop at the times when He came to me at the library and at work and come to find out it was Him...  That He was testing me, testing my heart, my faith and my love for Him??   I could've just as easily turned them all or ignored them,  and they could've just as easily had the same encounter with any of the other billions of people on this planet..   I'm not saying I'm one of kind because I know that's not true.  But why me?  Why these encounters that have all been heavily laden with the love of God and Jesus?
I know it's very easy to dismiss these encounters as chance.  But why not dig deeper?  Why pass it off as something shallow and take it at face value?   Maybe if this had only happened once...  But 3 times is more than coincidence.   I know that it most likely wasn't Jesus but you can't help but think of that verse in the song and wonder..   And even if it wasn't Jesus my heart tells me that He has a hand in this..  It's just for what reason I'm not sure.  Then again, maybe I'm looking too deeply into this??  Maybe I'm trying to see something that's not there..  Maybe these were just three chance encounters and that I'm romanticizing them into something more?  I don't want to think that way though...  I want to think this is trying to tell me something.  And even though I'm beating my head against a wall trying to figure out what THAT is it makes me feel like maybe He does have something in-store for me.  Does that sound weird?  Do I make any sense with this at all?  Or am I blowing it out of proportion?
But what is odd about this all is I keep relating it to my own life and kids.  I see the young couple who have no place to go, no where to live and are expecting a child.  They were both once someone's son and daughter.  They were both once someones world.  I look at my own kids and think of them in that situation and I instantly get watery eyed and my heart hurts.  My kids, despite the fact that they sometimes anger me beyond all comprehension are everything to me.  There is NOTHING I wouldn't do for them.  I would sacrifice myself for them without thinking twice.   So to see two young adults in that position blows my mind.  Aren't there parents somewhere worried for them?  Looking for them?  Maybe they've passed?  Maybe they had a falling out? Who knows..  But then it shifts to the baby they're bringing into the world.  I have no doubts they'll love that baby to the best of their abilities, but you can't raise a child on the street..  And that breaks my heart as well..
I don't know anymore...  This world is a funny and amazing place.  I just wish it made sense sometimes.. Bad things happen to good people.  Good things happen to bad people..  Bad people get away with things and live the good life, while there are good people who are homeless and children who have no roof over their heads and are hungry.  It's all confusing, sometimes it makes me very angry, makes me sad.  But I look at my life and I feel a mix of guilt and happiness.  I don't deserve all the good things I have in my life.  God had blessed me anyhow.  I'm grateful...  But then I see those like the ones I've encountered and I feel guilty for those blessings..  Why am I blessed so much and them so little???    I'm not any better than they are so what makes them less deserving??   I'm not really questioning God because only He knows why things happen as they do.  And I'm not complaining about all that I've been blessed with.  I'm just trying to make heads or tails of it and struggling very much with as I said almost a survivors guilt of sorts.    That's why I wish I were rich beyond my wildest dreams.. That way every encounter I've had so far would've ended with me helping them more than I did.  Not because I want the praise, or the self-indulgent pat on the back,  but because then I know they would be ok.  I know they'd be taken care of.  That they'd never want again.  I know I couldn't help of save them all but the ones I did it would matter to the most.
It's like a story our Pastor Phil Stout has told on a few occasions that has become one of my favorites...
There was a terrible storm that had come in off the ocean.  The surf pounded the coast all night, waves crashing, driving rain, rough tides.  The next morning a couple are walking down the beach enjoying the sunny morning and taking in what the storm had done when they notice a little boy.  The boy who is 6-7 is off in the distance.  But they notice him running picking things up and running and throwing it into the ocean.  And the boy is doing this over and over and over and over.  The closer they get, they notice that there are hundreds and hundreds of starfish that had been washed up onto the beach by the storm.  The little boy is grabbing them one by one and throwing them back into the ocean.   The man and his wife stop near the boy and the man says, "Son, try as you might you'll never save them all, so what difference does it make?"   The little boy stops and picks up a starfish, turns and throws it back into the ocean.  He turns to the man and says "Yeah, but it made a difference to that one."
So, why I might not be able to help them all.  The ones I can it will matter to the most..............

Til next time......