OK, first things first... Thank you to those of you who've taken the
time to read my first couple of entries. It means a lot that you'd
give up a few minutes of your time to read the mindless meanderings
that I put out there...
Now, onto today's blog...
OK, so the first real blog here touched on the fact that twice now I've
encountered the homeless in two different scenarios. And in both of
them I did what I could to help how I could. Do I think what I did
was enough? No, but I also have to understand that God put me in the
position to help how and when I could. I'm trying to be happy with that
and all but it's not easy.. Giving $25 to one and $20 and three
bottles of water to another hardly to me seems helpful. I tried to list
ways that it could be useful to them and I do understand that it could
be. But I can't help but think I could've done more. I've been
praying for both sets of people I encountered and hope that the little
bit I could give them could stretch into something more for them. Then
top it off with praying for them in hopes that God will take care of
them as well... But I can't shake this feeling like I should've done
more. It's almost like a survivors guilt that is eating away at me. i
sit here in my home, on my laptop, typing away about this and who
knows where they are now?? Or if they're ok, or how her baby is
doing, I even worry about the dogs... There is nothing I hate more
than to see kids hurting and animals not taken care of. Not to say
they didn't love the dogs, because it was very obvious they did. But
when you're homeless and are looking for ways to feed yourself it must
make it harder to find ways to feed 2 dogs. So, I worry about
them... Sounds silly I know but it's who I am.. I wish I knew how
they were all doing and see if they were making progress. But maybe
it's better that I don't?
I'm having a very hard time trying to make heads or tails of why this
has affected me in such a strong way. Usually, something will happen
in life and I'll carry it around with me for a day or two and then I
either forget, or I let it go and move on. This however, I cannot seem
to shake. And that's why I wonder if there's more behind it than
chance encounters?????
That brings me to my reasoning behind the latest blog here. Saturday
was when I had the encounter with the young couple trying to make it
back to California by hitchhiking and any means necessary. Almost a
week later and as I said, I'm still not able to shake the thought of
them. Well, another encounter has left me convinced that there is
something more to this... And if you want to get technical there has
been two encounters since last Saturday.. The first was when we were
coming home from church last Sunday. We were driving up the street
past my work and on the very same corner where the couple was is a man
holding a sign with bags piled behind him... Unfortunately, we did
not stop this time due to the fact we had a lot to do and little time
to do it in. As far as getting the twins home, fed and down for a nap,
then getting things done before our small group that night... But
seeing it alone again shook me. Fast forward to Wednesday.. I'm
working my second day in my new dept at work. I am standing there
minding my business when a man enters the store and stands next to my
stand patiently waiting for me to acknowledge him. I turn to him and
ask if there's something I can help him with. He nods and says " It's
starting to rain out there and my wife and I are homeless and have no
where to go, do you think you could spare a couple of garbage bags so
that we don't get completely soaked out there?" He was a very pleasant
man, and I turned to look outside and saw that it was raining pretty
steadily. I knelt down and pulled out a roll of extra large commercial
garbage bags, the huge kind you see in garbage cans at the malls and
what not. He's says "if you can spare one that would be wonderful, we
can share it." My mind is going a million miles an hour by this
point.. Trying to figure out what all these encounters mean and what
role I could possibly play in it.. So, at that point there isn't much I
can do for him money wise because I'm broke. So all I could say is "I
can do you better than that, I'll give you three, one for you, one for
her and one for your things." And I rolled off three bags and handed
them to him. He says thank you and smiles. But what he said next
literally rattled me and made this whole scenario even more difficult to
figure out. As he smiled he says "Thank you sir, God is good, and He smiles when you help someone like me."
And with that he nodded at me, and turned around, and left.. He had a
smile on his face as he walked out into the rain and I saw him holding
the bags out to show her. But I was left numb as to what he said...
That's three times now that I've encountered homeless people. And in
all three instances they've had God written all over them. Starting
with the homeless man with the homemade cross in his hand, then the
homeless couple hitchhiking to California and their offer to pray for my
family and wishing God's blessing on us, and finally the homeless man
the other day telling me that "God smiles when you help someone like
me." What is happening? Why is this happening? And what does it all
mean? It's all leading me to see that my life isn't so bad. But it's
also leaving me completely heartbroken for those who aren't as
fortunate. I mean, I'm nobody special... So why is God leading these
people to me? Orrrr is He leading ME to them?? Either way, what
point is He trying to make? On the way home from the gym last night I
passed my work. I slowed briefly as I did and could still envision
all those people standing on the corner with their signs. And it got
the wheels turning in my head. Trying to figure all this out, trying
to find the punchline to all this, trying to make it make sense but I
can't. I got home, showered, sat on the couch for a few as I perused
Facebook on my phone and ultimately went to bed. But, I didn't fall
asleep as I thought I would. My mind again wandered back to the past
week and the people who's paths I've crossed. And my mind took off
like a shot.. In my last blog I quoted Matthew 25:40 "The King will
reply, 'I tell you the truth, whatever you did for one of the least of
these brothers of mine, you did for me. And I started thinking about Jesus returning to us someday, I thought about an old country song by Collin Raye titled "What If Jesus Comes Back Like That" and the song starts with him singing about Jesus coming back as a hobo or homeless person... Here are the lyrics...
He came to town on an old freight train
He jumped off in the pouring rain
Everybody said he's insane
Just a low down no account hobo
He made his bed beneath the county bridge
The town folks said hey that's not his
They signed a petition they're gonna get rid
Of that low down no account white trash.
What if Jesus comes back like that
On an old freight train in a hobo hat
Will we let him in or turn our back
What if Jesus comes back like that
Hey what if Jesus comes back like that
If you wanna listen here's the link:
http://youtu.be/aOeugaIz2Mc
But anyway, that verse in the song kept running over and over and over
through my head and it really got me thinking. What IF Jesus came back
like that. I have seen the way my co-workers dismissed them as if
they didn't exist or ridiculed them for what they were doing. Is that
the test I've been given? Then my thinking went a step further and may
sound far fetched but in reality there isn't anyone who can grasp what
God does or of Jesus love for us. Here is my "What If" thought..
What if in some way Jesus does come back? We would NEVER know unless He
wants us to.. So, what if He comes back and tests people? What if He
takes on the form of a homeless person to test us and see if we are
loving one another or if we would help "the least of our brothers and
sisters?" I'm not saying I personally had an encounter with Jesus but
what if??? How would we know?? What if the day and time comes when I
die and I get to heaven (hopefully) and I kneel before Him and He takes
me through my life and we stop at the times when He came to me at the
library and at work and come to find out it was Him... That He was
testing me, testing my heart, my faith and my love for Him?? I
could've just as easily turned them all or ignored them, and they
could've just as easily had the same encounter with any of the other
billions of people on this planet.. I'm not saying I'm one of kind
because I know that's not true. But why me? Why these encounters that
have all been heavily laden with the love of God and Jesus?
I know it's very easy to dismiss these encounters as chance. But why
not dig deeper? Why pass it off as something shallow and take it at
face value? Maybe if this had only happened once... But 3 times is
more than coincidence. I know that it most likely wasn't Jesus but you
can't help but think of that verse in the song and wonder.. And even
if it wasn't Jesus my heart tells me that He has a hand in this..
It's just for what reason I'm not sure. Then again, maybe I'm looking
too deeply into this?? Maybe I'm trying to see something that's not
there.. Maybe these were just three chance encounters and that I'm
romanticizing them into something more? I don't want to think that way
though... I want to think this is trying to tell me something. And
even though I'm beating my head against a wall trying to figure out what
THAT is it makes me feel like maybe He does have something in-store
for me. Does that sound weird? Do I make any sense with this at all?
Or am I blowing it out of proportion?
But what is odd about this all is I keep relating it to my own life and
kids. I see the young couple who have no place to go, no where to
live and are expecting a child. They were both once someone's son and
daughter. They were both once someones world. I look at my own kids
and think of them in that situation and I instantly get watery eyed and
my heart hurts. My kids, despite the fact that they sometimes anger me
beyond all comprehension are everything to me. There is NOTHING I
wouldn't do for them. I would sacrifice myself for them without
thinking twice. So to see two young adults in that position blows my
mind. Aren't there parents somewhere worried for them? Looking for
them? Maybe they've passed? Maybe they had a falling out? Who knows..
But then it shifts to the baby they're bringing into the world. I
have no doubts they'll love that baby to the best of their abilities,
but you can't raise a child on the street.. And that breaks my heart
as well..
I don't know anymore... This world is a funny and amazing place. I
just wish it made sense sometimes.. Bad things happen to good people.
Good things happen to bad people.. Bad people get away with things and
live the good life, while there are good people who are homeless and
children who have no roof over their heads and are hungry. It's all
confusing, sometimes it makes me very angry, makes me sad. But I look
at my life and I feel a mix of guilt and happiness. I don't deserve all
the good things I have in my life. God had blessed me anyhow. I'm
grateful... But then I see those like the ones I've encountered and I
feel guilty for those blessings.. Why am I blessed so much and them so
little??? I'm not any better than they are so what makes them less
deserving?? I'm not really questioning God because only He knows why
things happen as they do. And I'm not complaining about all that I've
been blessed with. I'm just trying to make heads or tails of it and
struggling very much with as I said almost a survivors guilt of
sorts. That's why I wish I were rich beyond my wildest dreams.. That
way every encounter I've had so far would've ended with me helping them
more than I did. Not because I want the praise, or the self-indulgent
pat on the back, but because then I know they would be ok. I know
they'd be taken care of. That they'd never want again. I know I
couldn't help of save them all but the ones I did it would matter to the
most.
It's like a story our Pastor Phil Stout has told on a few occasions that has become one of my favorites...
There was a terrible storm that had come in off the ocean. The surf
pounded the coast all night, waves crashing, driving rain, rough
tides. The next morning a couple are walking down the beach enjoying
the sunny morning and taking in what the storm had done when they notice
a little boy. The boy who is 6-7 is off in the distance. But they
notice him running picking things up and running and throwing it into
the ocean. And the boy is doing this over and over and over and over.
The closer they get, they notice that there are hundreds and hundreds
of starfish that had been washed up onto the beach by the storm. The
little boy is grabbing them one by one and throwing them back into the
ocean. The man and his wife stop near the boy and the man says, "Son,
try as you might you'll never save them all, so what difference does it
make?" The little boy stops and picks up a starfish, turns and
throws it back into the ocean. He turns to the man and says "Yeah, but
it made a difference to that one."
So, why I might not be able to help them all. The ones I can it will matter to the most..............
Til next time......
It sounds to me as if you need to pursue a new career. Think about opening up a shelter, a place where people can come and not be judged, to rest, search for jobs, and possibly even get help with food /clothing, etc. You've found something you're truly passionate about. And it's going to be really hard on you and your family, but that's what it cost to make a difference. <3
ReplyDeleteThe thought has definitely crossed my mind. It would be a tremendous undertaking and would require a lot of time and time spent away from my family making it happen. We have a shelter here in Jackson and while it serves it's purpose and takes care of those who need a meal, shelter, etc.. It's run down, we volunteered there and the cockroaches were awful. So maybe you're right.... Maybe this is something I should look into more.... Thank you! Thank you for stopping by and giving this a read!!
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