Jesus Take The Wheel...
But, as much as I dislike the song it does hold some truth and in it some power over me. The words resonate with me and the meaning does too. Anyway, not the point. The point of this blog is letting go... Trusting God in all you do. Knowing that He will take care of you.. But how? I won't lie, I am struggling deeply with this as we speak. To lay all the cards on the table, my family is struggling. It's not a secret. And it's financially that we're hurting. It's not due to a lack of jobs because we both have jobs that pay very well. We both work full time and we have zero "frills" to our lives. Our only "extras" we have are our cell phones and the internet. No cable, we never go out, we don't shop, splurging for us is getting pizza once in awhile. But we're just not making it. I won't go into details outside of we're not making it. We have a few bills that between them eats most of our money. But the sad thing is these things are a necessity and aren't an option to cut out. So what do we do? I've had several people tell me to "let go" or "surrender" to Him and He will take care of you, and that His plan is for your good. And I honestly and truly believe that. But I can't make myself surrender.. Here is part of a message I wrote to a friend this morning that better explains what I mean...
You know, it's so simple, and yet so easy to overlook how much reading a verse can change your perspective and mood on something. While it may not hold the exact answer you're looking for, it gives you that something to hold on to until that answer does come your way... And both of those verses were exactly what I needed to read at that exact moment that I read them. Funny how He works like that. I struggle big time with just letting go and surrendering all to Him... I struggle with the fact that if I do that, I will have no control over my life if that makes sense? It's like riding in the car with someone who isn't a very good driver, you sit in the passenger seat and have no control over the wheel, gas pedal, or how they drive. You have to put your faith in them to get you to where you're going safely and trust it will be ok. I have a HARD time doing that. I like to have my hands on the wheel because then I know exactly where I'm going, I control how fast I go, and it's all done by me. Ha, the song Jesus Take The Wheel just popped into my head... Anyway, end random moment... I haven't learned to let Jesus drive my car yet because I know that I only trust my driving.. Even if my driving has lead me to 3 major accidents with ambulance rides from 2 of them.. I know that I need to let go, and I know that it's what has to be done.. But I can't take that step. I can't climb into the passenger seat.. Part of that comes from a lack of patience and part of that is lack of faith. I have a hard time turning my life over to an unseen force. A force I know in my heart is there but it's my "needing proof" mind that keeps me from doing so.
And there you have it... Even though I know Jesus would be a FAR better driver of my car than I could ever be I just can't convince myself to move over to the passenger seat... And that's where I struggle most. I know that He wants only what is best for me. And I know that He would never steer me wrong. But it's the letting go and falling into uncertainty that scares me to no end. It's like a first time sky diver. You have someone there with you who knows what they're doing, knows the in's and out's of what needs to be done, and will do everything with your best interest in mind. All you have to do is enjoy the ride... But you get to the edge of the plane and you freeze.. All it takes is one little step but you can't do it.. What if your chute doesn't open? What if your cable doesn't detach from the plane and you become a windsock at 5,000 feet?
And don't get me started about the drop... It's too scary, even though you have the one person strapped to you that knows more about it than you could ever know, and has your best interest in mind, and will do everything to see that you're ok... It's that first step into the blue, it's that initial free fall into the unknown, it's falling and waiting for that chute to open.. How do you do it???? I want to make that jump. I know I have the best instructor life has to offer in Him with me. I know He has only my best interest in mind. But I can't take that step.. What is wrong with me??
Sorry for the rambling, but I suppose that's what a blog is for right?
Until next time....
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