That being said, let's dive into this entry!!
I'd had some entries as of late that did not deal with or talk about my son's art classes. As you may have read in past entries (and if you haven't, stop now and immediately go back to do so.) his classes are a breeding ground for material for this blog. The hour that I sit and wait for him in his class offers me a sneak peek into the lives and parenting styles of dozens of sets of parents. And not that they're bad parents, but they seem to leave said parenting styles at home and let their kids terrorize anyone in their path, namely me...
I seem to be a magnet for every hyper, over stimulated, sugar buzzing, machine gun question firing, little kid in the city of Jackson. They all seem to have at one point or another found their way over to me and peppered me with questions on what I'm doing, what games I have on my phone, or they just sit there and stare into my soul and make attempts to steal it... And if it's not the kids, it's an over bearing stage mom who has pinned her hopes and dreams on the acting skills of her 6 year old daughter. Or the parents that think because I'm sitting by myself that I need a small talk buddy. When in fact I'd just as soon run into traffic with a blindfold on than engage in painful talk about the weather, or your kids.. Either way it's a guarantee I won't be left alone. However, that being said, 2 weeks ago I did make it through a class with NO unwanted interaction from kids or over friendly parents. I thought I'd stepped into another dimension.
So silly me, I foolishly thought when I got up there this past Saturday, and there was NO ONE there that I would have "another week of being left alone.." I was wrong... I was so very very wrong... I will preface the start of why, with a question to you... Do you know anyone or have you ever experienced being out in public, let's say at lunch/dinner, you're at the restaurant, sitting with your spouse/significant other, you're being respectful keeping your conversation to a hushed tone, but beside you there is a couple who you can tell are friendly people and they engage in this conversation, but they do so at a level that seems to be for YOUR benefit? Like they're having the normal conversation but are trying to be funny or witty and doing it like they're trying to entertain you. As I read this, I feel like I make no sense and am slightly crazy... Or you're in line at the grocery store and the couple in front of you are having a "play fight"only doing it loud enough for you to hear like it's supposed to be funny and entertaining, possibly even cute...
Well this as I mentioned above, is what happened with me this past Saturday... I came upstairs, found my normal sitting place away from main traffic, settled in, and immediately began brainstorming for the blog, trying to come up with topics to talk about and what not. And I got about 10 minutes in and I hear this loud conversation coming up the stairs... Great... I see them round the corner and stop to scope out a place to sit... 4 other empty tables, and a circle of 6 chairs to choose from.. Nope, they sense the dread I feel at the thought of them picking my table and start walking my way.. I mean honestly, any other table or seat in the place... But I apparently look lonely and desperate for company so over they wander. It's two ladies, friends I assume who each have a daughter in ballet. I gained this bit of knowledge through unwanted small talk. But, I politely nod and say that my son is in a cartooning class to which they basically ignore me and return to their conversation.. Really?? You bother me to say hi, make idle talk, and bore me with the details of why you're there, none of which am I at all interested in. Then, I in politeness return small talk only to be met with no reaction or answer.. And you wonder why I want people to sit elsewhere. So as I sit there playing scenes of their demise in comical ways over and over in my head, they decide to ramp up their conversation by about 60 decibels.. I can't even hear the voices in my head clearly now, and they don't like it when I ignore them, either intentionally or otherwise... So let me set the scene for you, we're at a 6-8 foot table. I'm sitting at one end, they are sitting down at the other one on one side of the table, the other at the end of the table. So, for the sake of identification we'll call lady one Flo and her friend is Mabel. Flo immediately throws this military grade mom bag on the table, shaking my coffee, and my nerves.. She climbs into this bag and comes out with knitting materials which is met with approving "oooooh's" from Mabel... Flo then goes into painstakingly LONG detail of how she came to choose the colors for the scarf she is making... And how she's a huge fan of pastels... But not just any old pastel, she prefers yellows, blues, greens, and BOOOM!!!! Sorry, in my head I just shot myself with a bazooka.. But Mable is intrigued and approves of the colors Flo has chosen.. Mabel then goes into a diatribe about how she has sausage fingers and couldn't possibly learn how to knit/crochet/whatever.. And that she is so uncoordinated that she would most likely end up stabbing herself with a knitting needle.. To which I almost chime in with "well let's not be hasty, maybe you should give this whole knitting thing a whirl..." But I try my best to continue with brainstorming. At this point the conversation feels like it's between Flo and Mabel, but being discussed loud enough for me to enjoy. Mabel asks Flo why she doesn't sell them and make some money because her craftsmanship is outstanding, Flo replies with the fact she does it as a hobby and to make people happy and not to make BOOOOOOM!! Sorry, in my head I just belly flopped onto a landmine... She's not in it for money was her point.. I look up quickly to see what time it is and get a glimpse of Flo and Mabel. Now my descriptions are not meant to be attacks, but honest evaluations of what I see. Flo, was never properly trained in the art of make up application... She has not learned that it's Covergirl, not Dutchboy.. She looks like a smaller version of Mimi from the Drew Carey Show, like you'd almost expect her feet to honk when she walks, and like she's a threat to throw a pie at you at any given second... Mabel is younger, and was clearly a smoker, as I smelled smoke on her when she walked by me. She reminded me of a Guns-n-Roses fan who time warped from 1989 to our table. So, I return to my notepad and Flo is doing a running commentary for everyone's benefit as she knits. She's counting stitches out loud, she's explaining something about an "H stitch" or something, and trying to walk Mabel on how to make stitches. This whole process is lost on Mabel who after every instruction reiterates the fact she could never learn to knit and while it's beautiful she most likely will never try...
The conversation then takes a turn to where they want to go to lunch.. This topic of discussion takes a "heated" turn. And by heated, I mean they playfully argue loud enough for my listening pleasure... They talk about going to Olive Garden because they're in the mood for good Italian food. Might want to check Taco Bell for some authentic Mexican food while you're at it. Mable says she could do Italian and suggests Fazoli's... I just want to go home... They then complain about the prices of some local deli's downtown. Then out of nowhere Flo puts her knitting away. She and Mabel stand up and put their coats on and head out to pick up their kids!!!! I immediately break into a 5 minute Snoopy happy dance.. It looked a lot like this...
So I look at the clock.. I still have about 20 minutes left. A mom from a previous entry appears. She is the mom who let her son with Strep run all over coughing on people, and was sharing contaminated snacks with other kids.. She parks at a table 2 down from me which is fine. Then proceeds to forget about her son. He is doing wind sprints back and forth across the room, clearly violating the "No Running" sign. He's close enough I could easily stick a foot out and end his cardiovascular activities. But she pipes up with the following (we'll call him Andy). "Andy get back here, if you don't get back here a stranger is going to take you..." Seriously?? That's your go-to parenting move? Threatening your kid with being abducted.... How warped are you?? She repeats this three times.. Telling him if he doesn't come back and stay in sight that a stranger would take him... Then I stop and think about it... He's down by ME.... I'm the only other person in the room.. Am I the stranger you're threatening your kid with??? I'm the only "stranger" in sight... Great.. Make me out to be the boogieman.... I wouldn't abduct your little Andy if you paid me. I'd leave him right where he is so he could terrorize everyone else. But thank you for including me in your scare tactic with your son.. Nothing says neighborly like using the only other person in the room to threaten your son with abduction... Why don't you just tell him I drive a van that says "Free Candy" on it...
Anyway, they left soon enough and just in time for Caleb to come out of class. And not a moment too soon, I'm pretty much in a dead sprint by the time we hit the door to leave. Well, at least I only have until April 12th to do this.... I'm offering in invitation to anyone who'd like to accompany me to one of these sessions and experience this for yourself!! Please... For my sanity...
I will try to get another entry out here later this week. I have a running list of about 30 topics to go from ranging on a vast variety of topics from deeply personal to one's that are very light and require little thought or emotional investment. As always, thank you for stopping by. Be sure to subscribe, leave comments, suggestions, or questions on your way out. Using the options on the right hand side of the blog..
Until Next Time,
Be Well...
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