Silence Is Deafening...

I used to write...  Several things really.  I used to write for the Detroit Tigers on their Bleacher Report site back from 1997-1999.  But I also used to write poetry.  I don't know if that shocks any of you.  Some it might because I probably don't come off as the poetic type.  Others, it might not surprise because I like to ramble.  So either way it's true.  I used to have this black spiral notebook that was jammed full of poems.  Poems of all different lengths and topics.  Some funny, some angry, some sad.   See, I really took off with writing after a break up with an old girlfriend and in my late teen angst thought my world had come to an end.  So, I picked up a pen and started writing.  After discovering I could write I continued into humor, parody song writing, and some dark, angry stuff.   Unfortunately after I moved out of my parents house I left a lot of things in my room.  And my mom went up and threw pretty much everything away.  I'm thinking that notebook was one of the things that was pitched.  I haven't seen it in 10-12 years...  It's honestly the one thing I've lost in my life that I wish I could get back...  I was even published by the Sparrowgrass Foundation in 1998.  The book was titled America's Most Treasured Young Poets of 1998.  And unfortunately the book is now gone too.  I haven't tried tracking it online but may just see if I can track it down some time..   I loved my writing, it was one of the rare ways I could fully express myself in a way that made people react.  I could make people laugh, I could make them think, I could make them cry sometimes.  But it felt good to be able to relate something to them on a level that really connected with them.  I just wish I could still find the inspiration to write like that...  The down side was that most of my inspiration from that time in my life was negative...  Negative toward life, toward God, toward people,  you name it, and I was against it.

But I apparently started to copy that notebook to a new notebook and never finished.  What survived was 1 pretty decent poem and 11 short very angry ones.  I would like to share with you the one surviving poem that I have from that time in my life.

                                                      The Silence Is Deafening
Long conversations with nothing said,
writing to each other as we sit on your bed.
Hoping my words will make you see,
Just why you should be with me.
But my words go unnoticed, feelings ignored,
You sit there in silence as if you were bored.
Why won't you talk to me, tell me what's on your mind?
Have you nothing to say or are the right words hard to find?
The silence become deafening as we sit on your bed,
There's so much on my mind I feel needs to be said.
But we continue to write,  yet you won't open your heart,
The fact you don't talk is tearing us apart.
Or is that what you want?  Because I honestly don't know,
Do you prefer to sit in silence so that your feelings won't show?
So we continue to write in silence with nothing really said,
And I sit alone with my thoughts as we sit here on your bed.
                                             
I wrote that back in late 1997/early 1998.  At that point in my life my life was coming to an end and I was about as close to emo as you could get :)    I realize now that things work out the way they do for a reason.  And that 1997's tragedies paved the way for what I've been blessed with now.  So in retrospect, I'm glad I went through that time in my life.  Because it lead me to who and where I am today..

I'll share some of the shorter ones with you at a later time...  Well, I'll share one quick one with you before I wrap this blog up...  

I wrote this one on January 8th, 1997...  I was again being the brooding 19yr old me.  Hating the world that was forever against me.  That unfortunately at that time in my life included God.  Looking back I was merely taking out my angst on anyone and anything that was within arms reach..  Anyway, here is a quick little poem about my life, smh....

                                                       God can be so unfair,
                                                  I wonder, Does He really care?
                                                       I'm pretty much blind,
                                                 The right girl I can't find,
                                                       And now He's taking my hair.....

Yes, that's right..  Blaming God for not letting me get the girl in the end and for making me bald..  It's laughable now because back then I was so serious that God was out to get me.  He was out to make my life miserable and I was going to point that out for the world to see..  Man, I was seriously skinny jeans and a bad hair cut away from being full blown emo....  I'm so happy that I shook that stage.   Trust me, NOBODY wants to see this in skinny jeans....


Until next time...  Don't blame God for making you bald...

Rob