"If I could make days last forever
If words could make wishes come true
I'd save every day like a treasure"
Read on and you'll see why.....
So the other night I was in the ER. For the 2nd time in 6 months I ended up there with an extremely
tight chest, was dizzy, had heartburn, and my bp shot up to 171/101. And as I laid on the hospital bed after my x-rays, my blood work, the doctor playing 20 questions and poking me all over the chest and abdomen, I started thinking about life...
I know, weird. But hey, when you're by yourself and it's 3 in the morning your mind tends to wander a little. I started thinking about my life and what it is as opposed to what I thought it'd be. Thinking about how my life couldn't possibly be any more different than I thought it'd be. For years and years I stood by my never wanting to get married and have kids. My goal was to play baseball until the wheels fell off and then move on to something I loved doing and enjoy just living. 23 years have passed, been married for 15 of it, have 4 boys.. I don't think I could have ended up at any further end of the spectrum. But who am I to question things? Would I change anything? No. Don't get me wrong I miss baseball. But I'm at a point now where I couldn't possibly imagine life being any other way. Is it stressful, hard, sometimes too much? Absolutely it is. But then there are times of bringing new life into this world (sometimes two at a time...), there are milestone anniversaries, there is overcoming odds and fighting against society norms of disposable marriages in a time where most would just walk away. There are first steps, first days of school, first ballgames, seeing them Christmas morning and rediscovering what Christmas felt like again as a child. There are first words spoken, unplanned moments of everything falling into place if only for a few hours where everyone is happy, everyone is having fun, there is no fighting, there is peace. And time slows down for those moments noticeably. And you become aware of your surroundings and see all this going on around you and how perfect it can be, and you can allow yourself to take a step back amidst all that is going on and just take it in and live in that moment. And know that it's all the crap, all the pain, hurt, and stress in life that leads you to those moments and allows you to enjoy those moments on a level that is special and unique because that's what those moments are, they're special, unique, and rare. But it's those moments that get you through life. It's those moments that offer you temporary amnesia from the real world, if only for that little while. But even though those times are fleeting and only last but a short period of time, isn't it amazing how that small period of peace and happiness can refuel you?
How that time where everything comes together perfectly can completely change your outlook on life, can take that pain, hurt, and stress and cast it away, reminding you of what is still good in life and what truly matters.
To me these moments are instantly burned into my memory. Moments like the entire family playing with bubbles in our driveway, seeing the kids laughing and chasing them around the yard. Moments like an impromptu picnic at a park by the lake, a day spent at Michigan Adventure where things just fall into place. The times are so simple and organic and you just know you're in a moment that will be remembered. And it would be easy to say "man, I wish it could be that way all the time.." And part of me does. But, I also know that if times were like that all the time you wouldn't appreciate them as much as you do those times are few and far between. It's those times in the few and far between that give you that perspective and ability to enjoy the perfect times so much more. So in that aspect I'm grateful for the times I go through. Do I wish they were a little less severe sometimes? Of course, but all you can do is play the hand you're dealt to the best of your ability and live life as it comes at you. This job, this depression, anxiety, it's part of who I am. But it is also plays a part in helping me to recognize the bigger picture and hang on.
That being said, my thought process after all this in the hospital was thinking about the people who mean the most to me in my life. People who throughout my life have stood by me throughout the good times and bad, who were there to pick me up and brush me off, or kick me in the butt when needed. I always thought life was about how many friends you had surrounding you. But the older I get the more I realize that it's much better to have a select group of friends who you have shared life with than a room full of acquaintances who are only there for you when it's best for them. I have a group of friends that I'm fortunate to say have been in my life for almost 20 years now. And I have a family that supports me and has been there for me through all this.
I'm not a big in your face, feelings kinda guy. I'll hug people and believe me that has taken some time to come around to doing. But I'm not one for open communication of feelings. It's just who I am. So what I would like use my blog for the next few entries to reach out and tell some people what they've meant to me, how they've impacted my life, and how thankful I am for them. This is by no means a slight against anyone who may or may not be mentioned. But in life there are certain people who play bigger roles and for that I'm grateful. There will be family and friends mentioned. And I haven't decided if I am going to do a series of short blogs and do one per. Or if I am going to do multiple people per blog. Either way my point behind this is life is short. I'm 40 years old... I was just 18 yesterday.. And bigger picture is that tomorrow is never guaranteed. And I'm at a point in my life where I don't want to leave this life and not have the people who impacted me most know that they did and how appreciative I am for them.
But for now I will wrap this up and start compiling a list and thinking about what it is that I want to say. Thank you all for reading, just by reading this you are showing me support and I am so grateful for that and for you. I'd like more feedback in the comments section but the numbers show me that you're there and reading and that is so awesome.
Until next time, keep reading...
Be Well,
Rob
So the other night I was in the ER. For the 2nd time in 6 months I ended up there with an extremely
tight chest, was dizzy, had heartburn, and my bp shot up to 171/101. And as I laid on the hospital bed after my x-rays, my blood work, the doctor playing 20 questions and poking me all over the chest and abdomen, I started thinking about life...
I know, weird. But hey, when you're by yourself and it's 3 in the morning your mind tends to wander a little. I started thinking about my life and what it is as opposed to what I thought it'd be. Thinking about how my life couldn't possibly be any more different than I thought it'd be. For years and years I stood by my never wanting to get married and have kids. My goal was to play baseball until the wheels fell off and then move on to something I loved doing and enjoy just living. 23 years have passed, been married for 15 of it, have 4 boys.. I don't think I could have ended up at any further end of the spectrum. But who am I to question things? Would I change anything? No. Don't get me wrong I miss baseball. But I'm at a point now where I couldn't possibly imagine life being any other way. Is it stressful, hard, sometimes too much? Absolutely it is. But then there are times of bringing new life into this world (sometimes two at a time...), there are milestone anniversaries, there is overcoming odds and fighting against society norms of disposable marriages in a time where most would just walk away. There are first steps, first days of school, first ballgames, seeing them Christmas morning and rediscovering what Christmas felt like again as a child. There are first words spoken, unplanned moments of everything falling into place if only for a few hours where everyone is happy, everyone is having fun, there is no fighting, there is peace. And time slows down for those moments noticeably. And you become aware of your surroundings and see all this going on around you and how perfect it can be, and you can allow yourself to take a step back amidst all that is going on and just take it in and live in that moment. And know that it's all the crap, all the pain, hurt, and stress in life that leads you to those moments and allows you to enjoy those moments on a level that is special and unique because that's what those moments are, they're special, unique, and rare. But it's those moments that get you through life. It's those moments that offer you temporary amnesia from the real world, if only for that little while. But even though those times are fleeting and only last but a short period of time, isn't it amazing how that small period of peace and happiness can refuel you?
How that time where everything comes together perfectly can completely change your outlook on life, can take that pain, hurt, and stress and cast it away, reminding you of what is still good in life and what truly matters.
To me these moments are instantly burned into my memory. Moments like the entire family playing with bubbles in our driveway, seeing the kids laughing and chasing them around the yard. Moments like an impromptu picnic at a park by the lake, a day spent at Michigan Adventure where things just fall into place. The times are so simple and organic and you just know you're in a moment that will be remembered. And it would be easy to say "man, I wish it could be that way all the time.." And part of me does. But, I also know that if times were like that all the time you wouldn't appreciate them as much as you do those times are few and far between. It's those times in the few and far between that give you that perspective and ability to enjoy the perfect times so much more. So in that aspect I'm grateful for the times I go through. Do I wish they were a little less severe sometimes? Of course, but all you can do is play the hand you're dealt to the best of your ability and live life as it comes at you. This job, this depression, anxiety, it's part of who I am. But it is also plays a part in helping me to recognize the bigger picture and hang on.
That being said, my thought process after all this in the hospital was thinking about the people who mean the most to me in my life. People who throughout my life have stood by me throughout the good times and bad, who were there to pick me up and brush me off, or kick me in the butt when needed. I always thought life was about how many friends you had surrounding you. But the older I get the more I realize that it's much better to have a select group of friends who you have shared life with than a room full of acquaintances who are only there for you when it's best for them. I have a group of friends that I'm fortunate to say have been in my life for almost 20 years now. And I have a family that supports me and has been there for me through all this.
I'm not a big in your face, feelings kinda guy. I'll hug people and believe me that has taken some time to come around to doing. But I'm not one for open communication of feelings. It's just who I am. So what I would like use my blog for the next few entries to reach out and tell some people what they've meant to me, how they've impacted my life, and how thankful I am for them. This is by no means a slight against anyone who may or may not be mentioned. But in life there are certain people who play bigger roles and for that I'm grateful. There will be family and friends mentioned. And I haven't decided if I am going to do a series of short blogs and do one per. Or if I am going to do multiple people per blog. Either way my point behind this is life is short. I'm 40 years old... I was just 18 yesterday.. And bigger picture is that tomorrow is never guaranteed. And I'm at a point in my life where I don't want to leave this life and not have the people who impacted me most know that they did and how appreciative I am for them.
But for now I will wrap this up and start compiling a list and thinking about what it is that I want to say. Thank you all for reading, just by reading this you are showing me support and I am so grateful for that and for you. I'd like more feedback in the comments section but the numbers show me that you're there and reading and that is so awesome.
Until next time, keep reading...
Be Well,
Rob
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