I love my kids. I would die for them in a heartbeat. There are days I feel like I might hesitate on that last statement but push come to shove I wouldn't think twice. For those of you who might be first time readers I have 4 boys. The oldest is 9, he has ADHD, and he has learned to push every button and play every key on me like his name was Mozart.. He is both the funniest and most aggravating child I've ever known. He's so smart, he's artistically talented and the most stubborn child I've ever met. Headstrong as the day is long he will fight you to the death even if he knows he's wrong. He could tell you grass is pink and would go blue in the face arguing it. I have identical twins who are 4. Days are never dull with them around. They have the most bizarre humor, they are sensitive to others, they are high strung, and they live life at 100 miles per hour. And finally there's Alex. He's 7 months old and is still developing his personality. He laughs like a 400lb man which makes any day great.
Let me start my story this past Saturday... I took my son to his first art class at the old Jackson Armory. It's an hour long so I decided to just stick it out and wait out in the waiting area by myself. I'm sitting there minding my business when a lady and her 6 year old daughter come in. They also have acting classes, dance classes and stage classes at this place. The WHOLE room is empty with chairs everywhere so of course they sit down right across from me. The mother is as silent as Gilbert Gottfried with a megaphone, telling her daughter she's talented, pretty, and going to be a great actress.. Great, I'm all for positive reinforcement.. But she must have been waiting for me to look up.. I did, I made eye contact with her and smiled which turned out to be a big mistake. This gesture of politeness was apparently mistaken as a green light to start what would become the longest, most awkward 10 minutes of my life. She says my daughter (says her name at this point but I don't remember what it is) is 6 and she takes acting classes.. I smile politely and nod and say something positive like "that's awesome" or something. And I'm thinking "ok, that's over, let's all just move on in silence." Wrong..... The lady then says "she's gonna be my meal ticket out of here, out of Jackson, and onto better things. Aren't ya baby?" I look up expecting to see her smiling and joking. But no, this lady was serious.. dead serious... She's looking at me with a serious expression and says "she's gonna get us outta here, she's a great little actress." Then if that wasn't awkward enough she calls the little girl over and says "baby, show him how good you are." She then proceeds to send this little girl through a gauntlet of facial expressions and emotions for my benefit.. "Alright baby, happy face... sad face... angry face.... surprised face... be excited... can you cry baby? Can you cry when asked?" At this point I'm waving a mental white flag because I've had enough.. There is a 6 yr old girl across from me who is trying to cry and has this look on her face like she's deep in thought and/or constipated... After about 15-20 seconds the girl goes "I can't mamma." The mom just chuckles and looks at me like I'm supposed to analyze and critique her "performance." I just smile and go "wow, she is pretty good..." All the while thinking.. My kids do this all the time and you're paying for her to do this? And I feel bad for this little girl because you can just feel the hopes and dreams of her mother on her little shoulders. And that this is most likely more for her mother than anything else. Sadly, I have seen this a lot since I've become a parent. Parents placing their unfulfilled hopes and dreams on their children. And to a further degree I can almost understand it. I wanted Caleb to love baseball with the same passion I had for it. Only I wanted him to be better than I was and go further than I did. And so when he decided to play baseball I was excited, then when I saw that baseball didn't come to him like it did to me and that he was losing interest I wanted to push and keep him playing. But he made it clear that baseball isn't for him. And he doesn't intend on playing anymore. Who's to say he won't when he gets older, but I would be willing to bet that he will never play again.
And that's ok. Yes, it took me some time to accept this and there may have been times of openly weeping and questioning whether or not he's really my son (not really)... But he's found his passion and it's art. The kid can draw like no other 9 year old I've ever met. And so we'll cultivate that and run with it instead. But I would never put my future happiness on his art as my "ticket to better things." Hopefully it is for him, but there is nothing in it for me other than seeing him happy doing something he loves. Who is to say what the other three boys might get into... They might be golfers or runners. Things I never did. And that's ok. Would I like to see one of my son's take to baseball as I did. You bet I would... But my world isn't going to end if that doesn't happen.
It's almost like the parent has lost touch with reality. Or that they're trying to make their lives out to be more than they are. Who knows... I know of people who I'm pretty sure would be willing to bet their kids can in fact walk on water. And the kids in all of this are being taught they're better than everyone else, that they can do no wrong, and next you know they have this tragically heightened sense of entitlement and are monsters created by their parents.
Which goes into my last issue and that's kids today are too coddled. What I mean is that there is no room for failure, no lessons for failure and overcoming it. There are no lessons in disappointment. In learning that life will throw you curve balls and that you won't always get your way. Today it's "everyone wins, there are no losers." "Everyone gets a trophy, medal, award..." "No cuts sports programs." I have issues with all of these things. Here is the part where I turn into a 75yr old man, hitch my pants, shake my fist, and talk about things back in my day... I'm not that old.. I'm 36, and even when I was in school there were cuts made to make teams. I was cut from a 13-14 yr old traveling baseball team. I was devastated, I literally wanted to quit baseball, but you know what? I learned to deal with the disappointment, and ultimately used that feeling of being cut and devastated to make me work harder to make it the next season. I was never cut from a team after that because I didn't want to feel that feeling of failing again. Michael Jordan was cut from his basketball team and used it as motivation to succeed in the future.
But today, sports teams are all "no cuts" so there are no hurt feelings, there is no disappointment, everyone makes it so that no one feels left out. Then they take it a step further and make these rules that "everyone must play." I realize in high school the main point isn't winning but learning to play as a team, have fun, learn the game, and become better at it. But winning is in there too.. No body plays to lose, no one goes into the season saying "I don't care if we go 0 and 20 as long as everyone plays and has a good time.." No, everyone wants to win... And the only way to have fun, and win is by fielding the best team possible. Not playing kids that would have otherwise been cut from the team. But that's too much of a risk to take because someone might have a case of the boo hoo's if they don't make it. So now, everyone is special and as Syndrome said in The Incredibles... "When everyone's super, no one is."
Don't get me wrong. I love kids, not in a windowless van, free candy kind of way. But kids seem to generally like me. But we're setting them up for a huge reality check when they leave high school or college. And they find out they've been handed everything and never disappointed. And they don't know how to cope with that because they've never had to deal with it. There is a study that said today's kids deal with a higher level of anxiety and mental stress than patients did in mental asylums in the 1950's. We can't possibly be helping them by hiding them from life and disappointment. Or am I off?
Sorry this entry isn't nearly as humor filled as they normally tend to be, just been thinking about this since I was subjected to the child screen test Saturday..
Until next time...
Be Well...
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